That whole naughty or nice thing? SERIOUS business this year.
(Congolese soldiers)
picture: dunno source, via our lol builder. lol caption: boondoc
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That whole naughty or nice thing? SERIOUS business this year.
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You better watch out, you better not cry
You better not pout, I’m telling you why
Santa Claus is packin’ a Kalash.
Also, F1RST???
Forgivable first, FTW!!
Now that I’m suddenly extremely interested in behavior modification, is there such a thing as a 12-Step Pouting Program?
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“Hi. My name is Rho, and I’m a pouter.”
Hi Rho!
Maybe instead of a 12-step you need aversion therapy involving tickling.
That form of therapy would be extremely easy on the therapist, and effective. Most of the time, the mere mention of the word would suffice. At the most, wiggling of fingers would work. Heck, even air quotes mess me up! Thank you for the cure!
)
Nothing says ‘Festive’ like an accessory designed by Mikhail! Makes shopping a dream too…
That’s really effing scary. I’ll never think of Santa the same way again…
He knows when you are sleeping.
He knows when you’re on the can.
He’ll hunt you down and blast your ass from here to Pakistan.
Oh.
You’d better not breathe, You’d better not move.
You’re better off dead, I’m telling you, dude.
Santa Claus is gunning you down!
“… And every Xmas, Dad would make his special eggnog out of bourbon and ice cubes.”
“Oh you mean Xmas. You must be using an archaic pronunciation, like when you say ‘ask’ instead of ‘ax’”
With the global economy like it is, the only thing Santa can give you this year is a quick, clean death.
Futurama did it first!
(jk)
Those who are lost might click my name.
Whoa. You got the muse, dude!
Since two of the above comments correctly notice the futurama reference, don’t begin to think I can actually write poetry.
LMAO!!!
So be good. For goodness sake, be good! I’m not sh*tting around here!!
ANY0NEZ WANTS 2 CYBERZ!? LAWLZ
At first I was like WTF kind of movie is Will Smith in?
Lol!
It’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas…
everywhere you go
There’s a skinny man packing heat…
walking along the street
I’ll bet nobody charges him for blo-o-ow!
Tires around your neck and lit on fire
Feral dogs nipping at your nose
Rebels carrying guns down the street
And UN troops as rare as Eskimos……
Santa Claus is gunning you down…
Ah, he’s just culling the reindeer. (Coincidentally, that’s what I’m cooking for supper tonight.
)
Actually he was just getting ready for some early morning shopping on Black Friday. *shudder*
Ugh…don’t remind me. *crawls into bed and attempts to sleep it off* I was working first thing this morning.
Ah but there’s only a body count at Wal*Mart!
…and Toys r Us (link)
Ah, but they were shot. There’s no skill in that…
They shot each other. After they’d already bred, unfortunately, so it was an evolutionarily neutral act.
And Best Buy. I used to work there several years ago and the year before some little old lady was trampled by a bunch of people. Just gotta get that $100 laptop.
But I thought it was serious biznizz already! I mean, come on people! PRESENTS are at stake!
Shopped.
Ok, who had “November 28th at 10:17″? Anyone? Who had that day and time in the ‘OMG IT”S SHOPPED’ pool?
BINGO!
Dammit! I had 10:47…My life-long faith and trust in the sapience of the human race falls at my feet. I’m a shattered shell of my former self…
Oh, and congratulations, Eds!
Not so bad as me, I had 11:00, I was WAY off. I figured the “shoppped” trolls would be sleeping off their turkey hangovers. I underestimated their work ethic.
No, the turkey only fuels their imagination to new levels of idiocy.
Is there a legal limit for L-tryptophan intoxication?
Not that I’m aware. Of course if it puts the idiots to sleep, who cares?
Probably the female hormones and growth hormones those things that are big enough to beat a sheep to death has screwed with his endocrine system…
Have you ever wondered why turkeys don’t sleep all the time?
Don’t know. I do know that tryptophan is the chemical released in the male’s brain shortly after he gets off, which is why guys tend to want to sleep afterward.
I didn’t know that. They must pipe that into the ventilation system at the mall. I’ve noticed a lot of men sitting on benches holding purses there.
I just saw some guy sitting on a bench fast asleep today. I was like, srsly, I get you don’t like to shop and you’ve been dragged along, but you can’t stay awake for a couple of hours? In a crowded noisy mall?
That must have been a curious sight. I’m thinking he would probably have been safer and more comfortable if he had gone back to the car. The oddest thing I’ve ever seen while shopping was a man in the lingerie section of a department store. He acted like he was looking at stuff, but never checked a tag. If I changed aisles, he changed aisles, never looking at me, but keeping me in his periphery. After about four times, I asked him why he was following me. He looked scared, and took off lickety split. It’s funny now, but it was creepy then.
No, it’s still creepy.
In a way, yes, you’re right. I guess, given my history with creepy guys, this one seemed harmless, by comparison.
He could have known your Democrat leanings and thought you were stealing stuff… Republicans only steal horses…
LOL!! Yeah, I hate it when perves delay my shoplifting!
Hehehe.
)
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I am beginning to think that ICHC and all its subsites should have posting bots so that every lol that gets on the first page autmatically gets three posts: First, two different ones that both say “First!” and then one that says “shopped”. It’d save us all some time.
I think you guys misunderstood poor Ghostwish here. Obviously the armed gentleman is merely well prepared for the crowds at the door-buster sales at the mall today. Id est, he shopped. :^P
Oh! That kinna “shopped!” Is the weapon for getting ahead in line, or putting the doorman out of his misery?
Almost not funny, given the slain doorman working for Wal-Mart today.
Almost.
I have a high tolerance for dark humor.
*shines flashlight under chin*
Oooo! Welcome to my dark, dark world, dear one…
Look on the bright side… if he was working that shift at Wal*Mart, he was probably an illegal…
…you’ve been shopped!!!
Happy Black Friday, everyone!
Excuse the ignorance, what’s Black Friday?
The “busiest shopping day of the year.” All the stores here go into overdrive offering “doorbuster” sales starting at least as early as 6am. it’s the day after our thanksgiving holiday, and most people have off work, so it’s become a ridiculous tradition of shopping orgy. (for the upcoming Xmas holidays) Here’s a link about the madness. My feet hurt. I WORKED in retail today. Glad I didn’t have to open the doors. I was told that like 900 people were lined up this morning when they opened. Apparently they were more civilized than in long island though. Fortunately I started a bit later than the initial wave of frenzy.
Weird how busy we were today (I’m a restaurant manager). We planned and scheduled for little growth over last year, and instead, we got creamed from about 20 minutes past six AM until two PM. My crew is exhausted, and we still have two more days till most of them get a day off.
I’m hoping this indicates the season is going to be better than one would think, given the bad economic news.
I don’t remember who he was, but I read that one expert was predicting a 3% drop in gift spending. (That figure doesn’t sound too bad to me.) This morning, someone on CNN predicted that holiday shoppers would likely cut spending on items for themselves this year, sticking to “gifts only” shopping.
Ha! I didn’t have to go in until six (in the evening), by then everyone was at home eating leftover turkey and falling into exhausted slumber! However, I was stuck on the register for two and a half hours while worthless holiday help got to work on the floor. Excuse me? I’ve been there three freaking years, they can get their butts on the reg and be grateful for the employment for their first Christmas!
But we put you experienced employees in charge of cash handling, because we can count on you not to steal or make stupid cash handling errors.
That’s how I manage, anyway.
A shopping day?
Ah, that’s why it wasn’t on the calendar…
It’s called “Black” Friday because stores here don’t usually show a profit for the year until this day. (In accounting, red numerals represent negative numbers; black numerals represent positive numbers, indicating profit.)
Funny thing about that. It’s one of those false ideas that takes an accountant to come up with. My store shows a profit every single week. It’s a small percentage of gross sales, but larger than most in our segment. The lie, see, comes from the idea that we don’t make any profit until the last segment of the year, the length of which is the same is the same % as our profits. Obviously, however, if we didn’t show a profit until late November, we would have been replaced much earlier in the year!
Ah, well. It’s not rhorho’s fault that number crunchers don’t live in the same world we do.
I wasn’t talking about restaurants, either. True, I was parroting, but the P/L of retail stores and restaurants are different, yes?
I think they’re fairly close. Around 4%to 10%, depending on a number of factors.
I don’t doubt your figures, but I believe the time frame is different. Here’s something I’ve found that gets at my point:
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“The Thanksgiving shopping weekend, from Friday through Sunday, accounted for about 10.1 percent of overall holiday sales last year, according to ShopperTrak RCT Corp. Bill Martin, ShopperTrak’s co-founder, declined to offer estimates for the day this year, but said he believes that even though shoppers will be deliberate in their spending it will remain the biggest selling day of the season.”
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I’m thinking restaurant sales are less spikey than retail sales. Do you agree?
A client of mine who runs a restaurant assured me that the Wednesday before Thanksgiving was his busiest day all year. The bar does very well the Friday after, but not so much the restaurant. (People need to drink heavily after sittind gown to leftovers with their relatives!)
I remember getting frustrated as a kid when my mother would cook goodies all day, but it was all “for tomorrow” (Thanksgiving or Christmas). Thinking about it now, I’ll bet the last thing she wanted to do after cooking all day was make dinner. LOL!–leftovers and relatives.
As a rule, my store stays pretty consistent; just some seasonal changes we’ve learned to deal with. Other places I’ve worked, though, have had large spikes. Mexican “party restaurant” spiked a month’s worth of off season sales in a single Cinco de Mayo weekend, the German restaurant did three months of off season business in each of November and December, and a second Mexican “party restaurant” used to do a week’s off season sales every Wednesday in the summer when we had live music, outside dancing on the river, and a wakeboard exhibition/contest on the river outside. Most, though, don’t have the advantage of big spikes like that.
Click my name for a restaurant with a HECK of a spike…strange combination, but it’s great!
Weird combination. Prices are very low, by NW standards.
Houston is a cheap city to live in, for its size. I don’t have the reference, but Houstonians frequent restaurants for a higher percentage of meals than all other major cities. Possibly for that reason, restaurants are competitively priced. Coincidentally, according to GQ Magazine, Houston is frequently the “fattest” city in America too!
Philly is a strong competitor. We’re extremely fond of our food here.
Oh! I knew what it was, but I never knew why they called it that. Thanks!
Yeah, I would have to agree that this is a myth. mark is right. If companies were operating in the red for 9/10ths of the year, or even half the year assuming fiscal year starts in July, they wouldn’t stay in business year after year. I read something that department stores and the like might be down this year, but discount retailers like Walmart and Target may be up due to the shift in spending priorities. i.e. a way to get more for less.
I am very disturbed by the callous and barbaric way these people actually broke in the doors and trampled a man to death just for the sake of a few bargains. Seeing as I was working at a mass merchandiser, it’s especially troubling. At least our store had several security people right out front from the beginning.
That trampling death was appalling. (I use dark humor to get me over things I can’t handle. Hopefully you understand.) It’s hard to comprehend that, in this day and age, we can still act like herding animals. Evidently, the possibility of getting 20% off on a toaster oven for Aunt Mildred was more important than that poor gentleman’s life. I will never get that.
They trampled a pregnant woman too, but last I heard she and the baby were okay. And they ripped the door off the hinges. Srsly? If I were the family of that employee I’d be sueing Walmart for not having a better system in place. Several people had already said they didn’t like the tone of the crowd, the store management should have had barricades, or a number system, or something.
According to Minerva’s link, the poor woman miscarried. Truly horrible.
I think that may have been an early rumor. CNN reported that the woman was treated and released from hospital.
Oh that’s great!
Oh that’s great!
)
Man that’s horrible, I had heard the baby was okay (but it was from my coworker, so it’s not like it was a reliable news source). What is WRONG with people. If I lost my baby I’d for sure be sueing walmart for not having a better system in place.
Yeah, hopefully rhorho’s right.
They should have cameras, right? why not levy manslaughter charges against as many of the people involved? FFS, the hordes pushed workers out of the help’s way and nearly trampled the paramedics, then had the audacity to walk through the same torn-down door, arms laden with prezzies. The whole “Aaahhhhh… it was a mob mentality, therefore I’m innocent bullsh*t” has to end somewhere.
(Sorry if my original post from this morning ever comes back.) I heard on CNN today that the tapes from the cameras will be reviewed, and prosecution is possible. I think they should definitely get the ones who broke down the door on top of the guy. However, the people in the crowd (except for the first ones) likely couldn’t see the employee before they were stepping on him. I heard an account that some other employees were trying to go against the crowd to help the man, but it took several minutes to do so.
I heard that people were shoving the EMT workers that came to revive the guy. I also heard some shoppers threw right little hissy fits when they heard the store was closing because of the death. It makes me lose faith in humanity, not only that someone is killed over Thanksgiving sales, but even after you get away from the “crowd mentality” to be pissed that you can’t shop because A GUY DIED?! What kind of bottom feeder are you? I mean, being an agnositc I don’t go in for the “he’s the reason for the season” crap, but srsly, what the hell are you celebrating Christmas for you lowlife? /rant off
I heard the report about the EMT workers, too. Did you hear that several people ran away from the scene when they saw what was happening? I felt a little better knowing that *part* of the crowd was able to muster compassion. They must not have closed the store right away, as I heard that customers were leaving with shopping bags, adding to the chaos.
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If the people in front who pushed the door in were smart, they didn’t use checks or credit cards in the store, hehe. I wonder if they thought that far ahead, or if the thought hit them after they got home and saw the store on the news. At first I thought it would be difficult to prove that certain people were in the crowd, but it dawned on me that Walmart has lots of cameras around, especially around electronics sales areas and IIRC at all cash registers.
I also heard that it’s hard to establish who was to blame: the ones in front were being pushed by the ones behind and had no control over the general crush of humanity. It was just a case of herd behavior at it’s worst.
Man, I hate crowds.
I think the cameras will tell the tale. One would look a lot different being pushed into a glass door as opposed to forcing the door, himself.
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BTW, Do you remember anything about an open-seating concert where people were crushed? I can’t remember the details, but it seemed like quite a few people were hurt and 2-3 (?) killed. It was probably +/- 10 years ago. Anyway, I felt as incredulous then as I do now.
I can only find the Who concert in 1979 in Cincinnati, in which 11 people were trampled to death. There was another, more recent one, tho.
In 2000, nine people died at the Roskilde festival during a Pearl Jam gig. (A BBC article is linked if you click my name. That says eight, Wikipedia says another died a few days later.)
You ROCK! That’s *exactly* the one I was trying to remember! Thank you!
)
That one’s probably easier for me to remember, the proximity factor at work, I suppose.
For real crowd related deaths, try the Hillsborough Disaster. 96 people dead due to crushing. An old friend of mine responded to the call for all available doctors and spent the next couple of hours tagging dead people.
Sordid details behind my name.
Wow. The worst part to me was: “Some fans tried to break through the police cordon to ferry injured supporters to waiting ambulances, and were forcibly turned back.” What a nightmare!
Oh, it was a complete shambles.
Ouch. Not good at all.
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(
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Not that I am after a “list your worst accidents”-competition, this thread just reminds me all too well of our local disaster, where people – as far as I remember – didn’t die directly by trampling, but by a blocked emergency exit and therefore not enough escape routes, too many people in the premises, and so on. Lots of terribleness.
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I lived close enough to feel the smoke-smell, which makes stuff so much more “real” (I’m simple like that).
The ‘bricked up fire exit’ thing happens so often that one could almost call it natural causes for Disco goers…
Quite so. I can’t understand why so many people seem to think so little of security precautions. Probably the good old “oh, but nothing would happen to me/that wouldn’t happen here” factor at work.
/
I’m not a lawyer, but I think Wal-Mart has covered themselves by contracting out both the security and the hiring of the worker. See, he was hired by a second company who contracts to provide the labor, another company was contracted to provide security, and Wal-Mart gets to wring their hands and say how much they regret that their contractors were incompetent, but next time they’ll hire better companies.
*sigh* I hate Walmart. In sort of a related story, many of my cousins and I were sitting around on Thanksgiving talking and since one of my cousins is a teacher (like me) and another one likes to parade her Mensa membership, we were talking about IQ’s. Well we sort of got to talking about this women who was alleged to have the highest recorded IQ and that it was something like 210 and I said, “that must be horrible, can you even imagine how she lived her life, how she manages trying to talk to people?” and my cousin (the alleged Mensa member) got this really horrified look on her face and said, “Oh God, it’d be like shopping at Walmart EVERY DAY!” Just thought I share that for a little levity. ; )
Thanks for the giggles!
)
I don’t put much stock in Mensa membership. *I* qualify; they can’t be that choosy!
Well yeah, I probably qualify too. That’s why it’s something of a family joke when we refer to her.
I checked into joining Mensa. Anyone who feels the need to pay the membership fee should be forced to re-take the exam!
)
That may or may not fly. The geophysical company where I used to work hired a subcontractor. (My company was contracted by an exploration company.) The subcontractor accidentally set off a 5.5 lb charge of Pentolite between his legs. The accident was purely the guy’s fault, but my company and the exploration company jointly settled with his widow.
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Walmart probably doesn’t have to pay many claims, relatively speaking. They are bound to have a huge attorney pool to handle all of the inevitable slip-and-fall claims, etc. Still, for PR sake, Walmart may settle with the man’s family. They need to stay off the TV on this one, especially since the news went national.
In general, WalMart Does Not Settle. Even in claims where they are clearly at fault. It’s part of how they keep from constantly being snowed under with stupid petty lawsuits. In this case, however, quickly arranging to pay off the guys’s relatives might be to their advantage from a public relations perspective.
Stuff like this? Is one of the big reasons I was at home sleeping Friday morning. The potential for an incident like this has been apparent for some time now.
Yeah, I don’t care WHAT the deals are. If I don’t have to be out, I don’t leave the house on Black Friday.
Testify Sistah! I’m happy to avoid that maddening mess! Some people love the thrill of the hunt, but I would rather not shop in an un-fun mosh pit.
Crowds, not so fun. I just want to get what I need, and get back out, fast, so I avoid weekends as well, this time of year.
Another ray of light in the dark shadows of seasonal retail madness!
)
But don’t forget, it’s for the kiddies…
The usual method for large corps who have a ‘no settle’ policy is to just leave you in court forever until you either run out of money or die.
THANK YOU, for asking that question, so I dinnae have to gooooogle it.
D
There’s a similar day in the UK, but it’s on the production side and tends to be in the food production (specifically baked goods and biscuits) sector. It’s usually the second Friday in December. Up until then most biscuit factories have been operating on last year’s Black Friday profit… Folks buying their ‘Biscuits for Cheese’, ‘Ritz Crackers’ etc for the festive season.
*kicks* Not you too! D:
Is that Will Smith?
No, it’s just a Black Man… by the cheek bones, Tutsi… Hutus have rounder faces on the whole, and Twa, while superficially similar, seldom are involved in tribal conflicts, and are commonly very short in comparison to other Central African tribes…
So, that gives lie to the idea that ‘they all look the same to whitey’
The main difference between Will Smith and “Santa” is that Will Smith would make that hat look good.
MiB WIN!
Is that Will Smith? (I know it’s not but that was my first impression. Like ‘I Am Legend’ just with a santa hat.)
Reading the comment DIRECTLY ABOVE YOURS fail.
one of the crappiest PS jobs I have seen in a LONG time
Your mistletoe is no match for my T.O.W. missile!