HIGH CHURCH OFFICIALS
Vacuum sealed for freshness
(Pope Benedict XVI)
picture: dunno source, via our lol builder. lol caption: elbiesee
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Alter boys.
Yes, I am sure a fair number of them get fresh with the altar boys.
Wow…I just spit my drink all over the screen. I needed that laugh, thank you!
You are most welcome.
no, he didn’t say “altar boys” he said alter boys. How should we alter them?
I try not to think of what changes they would want made to those boys…
sewing zippers in the BACK of their pants?
… Something like that.
Steady… Dhoti will be on with his homophobe bete noire if you’re not careful…
Haven’t seen the wee troll for a couple days now. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.
He’s down with a tummy ache: Shoelaces give him indigestion.
No, I think they stopped altering boys to create castrato sopranos in the late 19th century or so…
Are church officials supposed to be high?
Methinks it’s the “incense”.
Well yeah. How else do you think they talk to God? They got the best drugs there are.
I just had a a visual of hotboxing the pope mobile…. I don’t even smoke pot anymore but if i had the opportunity to hotbox the pope mobile i might have to hop in…
Please do, il papa might make more sense if you do.
Oh yeah…I could see the popemobile rolling down the street billowing clouds of smoke all Cheech and Chong style clam bake.
His name is Raaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaalph!
*fanboy glee*
“Dude, I just found Dad’s old Pope action figure with Holy Grip and… Body of Christ… Ewwwwww. Least it is vacuum sealed so we won’t get any on us.”
I saved my bar of souvenir Pope soap from when his predecessor was in New York. You just don’t see many bars of ‘Pope on a rope’.
Does he shape-shift into the devil as he gets worn down?
Never been used, there are parts of exposed inna shower dat I don’t him to close too.
Right, God forbid you get a, er, shape shift while soaping up with Mr. P.
“Your holiness, you might want to turn around for this part of my shower.”
or, if you’re really thorough about cleanliness, you may get his Holiness in your um….hole…iness……
I think if I stuck a bar of soap in my hole, it would hurt a bit.
Just a guess. Don’t know from personal experience at all.
I accidentally used Lava soap on my female parts once. That’s a mistake you never make again.
Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!!!!!
Indeed
I’m so glad we’ve had this time to share
*crosses legs and wibbles*
Heh… you said pope on a rope, my mind immediately envisioned him swinging from a lamp post. As someone once said, mankind will only be truly free when the last king is strangled to death with the entrails of the last priest.
No, I heard it was when the last king was killed by a stone falling from the ruins of the last church.
Of course, the next day, that big redneck MF that lives down the road is going to come over with his gun collection and a few drinking buddies and explain that *he* runs things now.
I think it was Robert Anton Wilson who said that Kings are just the most successful bandits, and borders just the place where two gangs of thieves got bored with the fighting and decided to call a truce.
Somebody sounds bitter that they aren’t a successful bandit…
Not read dear old RAW then… Bitter wasn’t in his nature, more wry amusement that people thought there was ever an ‘age of chivalry’
Ah, that I can understand. Chivalry was for ladies anyway, not those peasant girls.
We were in Rome last fall and visited the Vatican and as I wander through miles of The Vatican museum trying to find the Sistine chapel all I could think was that if they sold just one of these valuable pieces of art every week they woulld have enough fo several centuries of sales and if they donat4ed the proceeds to the poor, they could wipe out poverty long before they ran out of plundered art.
nah, they need that cash for court settlements.
Did you notice the guy in the back of the photo by the tree? It looks like he’s doing a Nazi salute. Now THAT’S funny!
Post before Whining Religious posting.
TOOOOO SOOOOOOOOOOONNNNNN111!!!11
(2000+ years isn’t long enough, apparently)
Phew, just barely made the post…
Hey, OT but I lolcats put out a cat version of Uncle Fester! [link]
Haha, awesome. As for other OT things, I wrote some free verse in the Breaking News thread if you wanted to check it out.
Will do!
LOL!! Perfect!
That is definitely Fester. Hahahaha.
Agreed.
That is one angry looking kitty. Reminds me of this time I met a girl at a party……
lmao, really helped that it’s a black cat -
I always imagined him looking more like Stewie Griffin.
That one is funny! I must admit, I didn’t think of Unc, though.
How dare you! They don’t burn me, they just melt on my skin…
I like to watch the metal ones spark. It’s pretty!
I assume the creator took a bit of artistic license with it.
Um…. way to poison the well.
Ah and there is our first complaint. Now let’s see how long before another.
HOW DARE YOU SAY SOMETHING BAD!!! BLARGH!!!! THE POPE HAS NEVER DONE ANYTHING BAD AND THE CHURCH IS THE ALL-KNOWING ALL-SEEING EYE OF GOD AND YOU SHOULDN’T TALK BAD ABOUT IT BECAUSE YOUR A BAD PERSON AND YOUR GOING TO HELL!!!!!!! BLARGH!!!!!!
LOL, there is poetry in the Breaking News thread and new lolz in my link. Have fun.
I’ve enjoyed the poetry already, and I’m going to check out the pics now
*ahem* It’s “you’re.”
*ducks and runs*
Your dum. and you’re mothr wheres army boots.
OMG, I’m in spelling hell. And your their to.
yawn
#If you don’t like,
what you see here
Git the fu(k out
We won’t try to
force feed you
Git the fu(K out…#
The one song Gary Cherone did that didn’t irritate me.
*bangs her head*
same to you…
you missed ‘and yo’ momma’…
Please, if you’re going to try and pretend to troll, get it right…
eh, I’m off my game tonight.
I’ve not seen you ‘on game’… you don’t manage ‘satire’, you’re inept at being irritating, you consistently don’t make any coherent point even…
takes one to know one
Now THAT was a witty comeback. Can’t really top that one. Pure originality there.
*bows*
so’s your face!
So’s your mom’s face!
I know you are, but what am I?
Takes one to know one!
NER-ner-neh-ner-NERRRR!
I’m rubber and you’re glue, whatever I say bounces off me and sticks to you!
I’m tellin’ Mom(e)!
poopy face!!
The Pope Mobile is pretty cool. I wonder if the Pope blessed it…just curious.
Bless this vehicle and may it never break down so long as to inconvenience me. May its translucent walls keep me safe for I still have use for this earthly frame. Namely dressing to put a pimp to shame.
i wonder if the pope is related to bubble boy?
I like that nobody felt the need to provide bullet-proof glass for the driver! A would-be assasin might choose to shoot at him in an attempt to crash the Pope-mobile.
Then again, since when did the Vatican spend effort or money on the un-blessed?
Assumption 1: Driver isn’t protected by bullet-proof glass.
Assumption 2: Vatican spent no money on the driver.
Assumption 3: Driver isn’t “blessed,” or otherwise respected.
assumption 4: that the popemobile is going fast enough to crash if the driver is shot
And… I have no idea why the word “I” is in there. Ignore please.
Nesting fail, Gah!
I still love you. *hugs*
Yay! Hugz tiem!
NOMNOMNOMNOMNOM…
*still has wonderful dreams about the People’s Breasts*
Vacuum? Hell no, that baby’s under positive pressure!
All of which comes from the chemical weapon defences and none of which from the divine inspiration within.
I love how the Pope is always on LOL News.
He needs a disco ball and a pine scented air freshener in there.
And some fuzzy dice.
and a sun visor that says ‘Il Papa Jesus’ on it…
I think he’s way beyond the Best-before-date…
I know the real reason why you never see the Pope in his Popemobile after enchilada night at the Vatican….
Because there is no God, proof being he would find that hilarious?
I wonder if they refer to the Pope’s toilet as the Holy Throne?
I wonder if they ever serve him Holy Mackerel.
Or deviled eggs! (did you know there is a guy who was so concerned about Kosher salt that he started a line of “christian salt”? True story. True, bizarre, and stupid story.)
I’m confused… Why can’t Christians eat Kosher salt? Or is there no reason why not and that’s part of what makes this weird religious trivia?
Because Kosher salt is, you know… *glances around nervously* …not Christian. You might go to hell if you eat the unholy salt.
The Jews nailed Baby Jesus to a tree…
One thing I’ve noticed about Kosher wine… God’s death, but they like it sweet…
Particularly true of traditional Passover wine, due to restrictions on use of yeast.
There are, however, a few vintners who’ve managed to produce Passover wines that taste halfway decent. Herzog is my mum’s favorite. [LINK]
I prefer Lebanese…
Oh! I get it! So the next time you’re reading your Christian fiction book (possibly a Love Inspired romance novel, or maybe the Left Behind series) and listening to some Christian praise music, you can use some Christian salt on some of your snacks if you feel a bit peckish. After that you can take your car to be fixed at Angel Automotive, the Christian Garage (no lie, this is where my cousin takes her car).
Left Behind? Euch… I’ll stick with Narnia…
I’ve never read them, this is purely knowledge gleaned from working in a bookstore.
NEVER READ NARNIA????
Oh, you’ve not read Left behind… That’s ok then… I didn’t read it all, wasn’t dire, but I don’t think you’re missing much…
Actually, I’ve never read the whole of Narnia either. I’ve read parts and didn’t like it as well as I liked A Wrinkle in Time and The Dark is Rising series.
I liked “Over sea, under stone” but just wasn’t into the second one. Probably due to the new main character… I get really attached to the first character I meet and new ones just annoy me. “A wrinkle in time” was great but I still love Narnia best. (Used to shut myself in my wardrobe to try to get to Narnia (when I was 8, not last week)) Although the last Narnia book’s a bit dire… Narnia kind of introduced me to Fantasy so I’m dead grateful to C.S. Lewis for that.
The kids in Over Sea, Under Stone come back in Greenwitch, and then the final book ties all the characters together. Narnia’s just one of those meh books to me, I don’t know why.
I don’t know how anyone can get through those LaHaye books. I read part of one and put it down – trash. Now Narnia, or The Space Trilogy…
I’d not bother with anything by C.S. “I was at the last supper I was” lewis…
That’s because you haven’t read the Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe…
I loathed it as a child, and it’s got no better with time… Heavy handed bull crap by one of the worst ‘theologians’ ever…
If he was honest in his ‘non-fiction’ titles, we’d have ‘Why Worship God, When He’s a Nasty Bastard’… I’ve seen little scholarship beyond the crap you’d get at a Baptist ‘University’ in any of his work…
finally someone else who doesn’t care for c.s. lewis!
one set of books i don’t regret not spending money or shelf space on.
Oh, it’s more than ‘not care for’, I regard them as a waste of trees…
Whoa….something we can agree on, Fester. I tried reading those as a kid and never got into them at ALL even though fantasy/adventure stuff was a big favorite of mine. I think the theology part of it went over my head at that point, but the kids were So. Effing. Annoying. Gah!
I’m not sure about elsewhere, but here, in the Bible Belt, I’ve seen business cards and trucks with a fish emblem on them.
I don’t know whether using the emblem helps those businesses gain favor over the others in the religious crowd, but to me it means “This is a place holder for an actual credential that would make my company materially preferable over the rest.”
I like the fish with feet, though. And the one that says “Gefilte.”
It’s like being a mason, just with the morality removed…
It probably does. My cousin chose her mechanic based on the fact that he was Christian. She didn’t check out his prices or his credentials, nope, he goes to the same church therefore he must fix her car.
Kosher salt is basically purified sea salt prepared under conditions approved by the rabbinical panels who monitor production of kosher food. (Certain kinds of kosher meat require use of salt in their preparation, and that salt has to be produced itself in a facility suitable for kosher foods.) It’s no different from the salt you’d find on any soft pretzel sold anywhere, really.
But because it’s had (gasp! horrors!) rabbis supervising its production, its been tainted by Teh Jewish, which is like Teh Gay but slightly less contagious and less socially acceptable to recoil in horror from openly. So I guess some born-again fundie types felt the need to produce their own yummy pretzel salt that didn’t have icky Jew cooties.
(Bit I forgot to mention: The useful bit about kosher salt is larger grains. It’s used to draw the blood out of red meat, so larger grains dissolving slower is kind of important. It can be rock salt as well as sea salt, but large grains and no iodine are the defining characteristics.)
Wow. There’s a double standard.
Jews gotta have their food prepared Kosher, which is wOOt great and we have to understand, and be tolerant, and embrace their decision.
Christians, however, can’t have the equivalent without being considered racists. Way to be an a@@hole.
Were you dropped on your head as a baby? There are no Christian requirements concerning food consumption. There ARE a lot of Jewish requirements. No one is saying you can’t have your own salt, we’re only laughing at you if you do because it has NO RELIGIOUS SIGNIFICANCE AT ALL.
I’m not a Christian, you stupid pontificating self-deluded cow.
I’m pointing out hypocrisy.
Fu(k are you ridiculous. And you think your opinion actually MATTERS!
(see, I can do caps lock TOO).
April hon, take a chill pill, OK? After reading your two posts above, I think you’ve had waaay too much caffeine to be around other people. And please, take the ammo out of any weapons you have until it wears off?
Blow me.
You a@@holes and your double standards make me sick.
Christians and Catholics deserve your constant ridicule, and Jews, who originated the faith from which both sprang don’t.
WTF? They all worship the same dead guy in the sky.
Probably because Jews don’t try to make kids use their bible and prayers in schools and they don’t try to change laws to suit their religious morality. In short, since you seem to be lacking brain power, Jews don’t push their rlegion in my face and Christians do. I don’t have a problem with people being religious, I have a problem with people trying to make my follow their religious tenets.
*religion* in the 5th line and *me* in the 8th (stupid firefox)
Riiiggghhhttt.
This is about YOU, since you ARE the center of the universe.
You just wish the Mormons or Witnesses would visit so you’d have some actual human interaction. Sucks to be that desperate, huh?
Yo, dipsh!t…don’t talk law and who makes/changes it unless you know what you are talking about. As if Jewish folk had NO hand in, say, American economic policy since 1987. Can you say Alan Greenspan? I knew ya could!
That’s okay dear, Mommy will be back to put the helmet on soon. Try not to flail around and hurt yourself until she gets here.
Yet again, truth is too much to handle. Chew your cud, bossy.
You’re an unpleasant person. I bet your significant other killed themselves in order to get away from you. I pity your shrink.
April: Another one resorting to personal attacks when caught being ridiculous…*sigh*
You have an opinion, and consensus doesn’t back you up. In the face of ridicule, you turn to personal attacks as a means of defending yourself, but you haven’t defended your *argument.*
You’re not going to win this one. The truth is not on your side, and name sparring is just that.
And thus arriveth the posse crying “and none shall pass”
LOL!
Oh, and English isn’t even my first language and I know that
my significant other killed himself/herself, not themselves.
LOL!
Foreign johnny grammar fail… it’s acceptable English…
ROFLMAO!
Predictable, AND amusing!
…and wrong.
Definitely NOT proper English. But pay Fisty no mind; his first language is “azzhole”.
@Unc: I agree.
There is a difference between “acceptable” and “proper” English.
Yes, it am a fragment. So? Fisty was wrong; that about does ‘em up.
“American grammar doesn’t have the sturdiness of British grammar (a British advertising man with a proper education can make magazine copy for ribbed condoms sound like the Magna goddam Carta), but it has its own scruffy charm”
+ 1 internet to whomever can guess my favorite quotable recluse…
And “Definitely NOT proper English” is a sentence fragment.
+
And irony isn’t made of iron!
ROFLPWN!
But yo’ mama’d do it!!
lol
@April: “Acceptable” English is in keeping with linguists, whereas “proper” English is in keeping with grammarians.
If you weren’t busy name calling, you might have something more to show for yourself, besides socks.
BS. I’ve read enough to know that you are always decrying people for typing what is spoken. If it’s spoken, it’s accepted, right?
Or do you have a new definition?
You were the one decrying the use of the English language when written as spoken, dahlink:
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You were saying?
LMAO!! Thanks for the chuckle, froo!
@April: Define “always.”
You’re the so called Grammar Nazi in all the threads I’ve read, right?
And I’ve never said, not heard, someone “killed themselves.”
It’s always “killed himself” or “killed herself.”
Anyone else heard “your significant other killed themselves.”?
ROFLMAO!
It’s a shortcut to use “themselves” in that situation, instead of saying “him- or herself.” I don’t use “themselves” in that situation, but I don’t correct others if they choose to do so. I’m not the Grammar [WANGABLE WORD].
Usually, when it comes down to correcting grammar, someone has lost the big fight, and is resorting to nitpicking. Does that notion sound familiar to you?
Yes, you’re doing it right now by quibbling over “racist” versus “bigot.”
It’s good that you know yourself.
Pointing out a terminal argument flaw is not quibbling; it’s debating. You’ve been having trouble with that notion for a while now, haven’t you?
Nope. You have. What’s the terminal argument flaw?
This country recognizes Jews as a race. Therefore, insinuating Christians are making derogatory statements against them in the commission of a crime would make those Christians racists, and thus prosecutable, under current hate crime law.
You felt contrary, and now it’s biting you in the a@@.
Truly, the flip-flopping of your arguments is making me sea sick. Now, where again were the Christians bad-mouthing the Jews in the commission of a crime?
You didn’t get the counter argument, so I’m not going to bother to repeat it. Re-read the thread, and pay close attention to the point at which it is said that Jews consider people who call Jews a “race” to be antisemitic. You’ve got a legal definition used for class protection, and I have reality, which you haven’t countered.
It’s not my job to educate you, so, I’m done.
Call me names if you get bored, okay?
LOL! Above @April, again!
Yeah! You’re done! Which means you won’t post again.
Pay close attention to the fact that no-one agrees on whether Judaism is a culture, race, religion or family. Not even Jews themselves.
Believe me, I listen to that argument a lot.
Why would you denigrate me for using the legal definition of a group of people in America? Women and oppressed races fought since this nation began to be legally included in this country!
OOPS! LOL! You’d be a liar if you replied, right?
Lemme try that again:
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Where is this happening again?
Let me rephrase, so it is more obviously hypothetical.
Therefore, if Christians (or anyone) made derogatory statements against them in the commission of a crime, it would be a hate crime and prosecutable under current law.
See? Protected status = elevation of crime from just your standard run of the mill mugging to a hate crime. If you assaulted me, because I’m Jewish, you’d do more time.
Got it now?
You started this whole thing off by poking fun at the Jews, then you claimed to be against bigotry. Which is it? Are you upset that you were called out as the bigot you are, and your only defense is to start slinging the name “bigot” around at everyone else you see?
Wow. There’s a double standard.
Jews gotta have their food prepared Kosher, which is wOOt great and we have to understand, and be tolerant, and embrace their decision.
Christians, however, can’t have the equivalent without being considered racists.
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Christians and Catholics deserve your constant ridicule, and Jews, who originated the faith from which both sprang don’t.
WTF? They all worship the same dead guy in the sky.
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This is what I said. Where am I poking fun? Where did I say anything nasty, or intolerant, or bigoted? Where did I do anything but say the same standard should apply to all? Hmmmm?
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Don’t look now: your snide is showing.
LOL! For sure.
I loathe food rules, and especially find the requirement of three sets of dishes and utensils to keep things uncontaminated frivolous.
Meat, and milk, and fish, and this goes here and there, and that item can’t be in the kitchen, and this ingredient is a colorant made from the wrong fishey thing…it’s like being a kid whose peas can’t touch his potatoes.
The things we do for love…
You never answered my question, so I’ll ask it again:
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And I’ll reply again.
Where am I poking fun? Where did I say anything nasty, or intolerant, or bigoted? Where did I do anything but say the same standard should apply to all? Hmmmm?
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For your information, I only called one person “racist” for the way that person was addressing me. I never called the original commenter anything. I said the statement portrayed Christians as racist/bigot/ignorant.
Read the thread.
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Care to retract your calling someone else a bigot?
I STARTED it? You’re joking, right?
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But because it’s had (gasp! horrors!) rabbis supervising its production, its been tainted by Teh Jewish, which is like Teh Gay but slightly less contagious and less socially acceptable to recoil in horror from openly. So I guess some born-again fundie types felt the need to produce their own yummy pretzel salt that didn’t have icky Jew cooties.
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Oh, I see it now: there’s NO sweeping “Christians = teh crazy = the racists = teh bigots = teh haters” judgement there. My bad!
I didn’t call anyone a bigot, so no, I don’t care to retract anything.
Apparently you can’t recognize sarcasm.
Care to see my tiechel?
LOL!
Shall I help you count the fails, since it’s me you decided to go off on to start this whole idiotic gymkhana?
“Christians can’t have the equivalent [of kashrut] without being considered racists.” FAIL. Christians don’t HAVE religiously based dietary restrictions, unless you count the Catholic no meat on Friday thing (apparently fish isn’t meat to them), which didn’t enter the discussion. What did enter the discussion was the Hebrew word in the name of a type of salt, which is not actually any different from any other coarse grain salt, and certain fundamentalists having issues with the salt box referring to a religion not their own. Yes, I do think making that kind of fuss over the word kosher on the salt box, when the salt itself is no different from any other salt and in no way transgressive of Christian rules is a bigoted and silly position for fundamentalists to take. Apropos,
Fundamentalists does not include all Christians, only the ones who have taken certain extreme positions, FAIL again that you overlooked that point I stated clearly enough, and by the way,
You claim to know so much about kashrut but you think fish is its own category? FAIL. No sect of Judaism I’ve ever heard of makes that distinction. Who does? Catholics, who allow fish on traditionally meatless Fridays.
US law defining Judaism as a race? FAIL. Judaism is acknowledged as a protected legal class because it is a minority religion and religion is itself a protected class under US law.
Moreover, the way you fly off the handle and sling insults when challenged without having a factual, reasoned basis for your position – and the way you accuse others of bigotry rather than face your own biases – reminds me very strongly of someone we all know to well. Someone who is the weakest link.
Perhaps it’s time to say goodbye.
Note to our fans playing along at home: WordPress does not recognize the unnumbered list HTML tags. The fails should have been bullet pointed above so the wall of text would be broken up a bit. Sorry.
Kosher salt makes Baby Jesus sad.
SB, what are you doing feeding a baby salt?
Equal Opportunity Bigot Notice
A pox on all the cults of Abraham, and all the other gods are bastards too…
End of Equal Opportunity Bigot Notice
Thank you, Uncle Fester. EOB for all, was my original point.
And slan agent, there is so much wrong with you point by point assesment of your definition of my fail I can only shake my head and say:
Google is your friend, bigoted poster. And lol!
Google is apparently your friend, dearie, because that appears to be your source of knowledge for Jewish life in America, as opposed to the 41 years of living it I’m speaking from.
Goodbye.
Fine. Point by point.
=
SA spouts: Shall I help you count the fails, since it’s me you decided to go off on to start this whole idiotic gymkhana?
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Let’s go, then, fair enough? And “gymkhana”? Are you kidding? LOL! Synonym FAIL! Try “brouhaha!”
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SA spouts: FAIL. Christians don’t HAVE religiously based dietary restrictions, unless you count the Catholic no meat on Friday thing:
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YOU FAIL. Plenty of Christian faiths have dietary restrictions. Eastern Orthodox Christianity, Roman Catholics, Seventh Day Adventists, Baptists, Mormons, Jehovah’s Witnesses, individuals who follows the cloven-hoof prohibition in the Bible, just to name a few.
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SA spouts: FAIL again that you overlooked that point I stated clearly enough.
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YOU FAIL. You said “fundie” and that’s IT. What’s a fundie? Define it. Are the aforementioned faiths fundies? If so, is Judaism fundie? LOL!
“The creator of “Christian Salt” is retired barber Joe Godlewski…one-time Catholic who now holds Bible studies in his home, Godlewski is a longtime entrepreneur. In 1998, he founded a kielbasa sausage business now run by a nephew. In 2000, he introduced the Stretch & Catch, a fishing gizmo that he says was copied and buried by foreign competitors.”
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SA spouts: FAIL. No sect of Judaism I’ve ever heard of makes that distinction. Who does?
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YOU FAIL. Just because you haven’t “heard of” it doesn’t make it false. There are three kinds of Kosher. Many choose to embrace all three, even the “parve” option. Wanna read more about them? Google it. It’s the way I’ve learned up to this point.
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SA spouts: FAIL. Judaism is acknowledged as a protected legal class because it is a minority religion and religion is itself a protected class under US law.
-
YOU FAIL. Shaare-Tefila Congregation v. Cobb, No. 85-2156.
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SA spouts: Moreover, the way you fly off the handle and sling insults when challenged without having a factual, reasoned basis for your position – and the way you accuse others of bigotry rather than face your own biases – reminds me very strongly of someone we all know to (FAIL) well. Someone who is the weakest link. Perhaps it’s time to say goodbye.
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Talking to youself, I see.
YOU ARE THE BIGGEST FAIL. GOOD-BYE!
lol
lol!
Let me rephrase. The way I’ve “learned” up to this point includes the categories meat, milk, and neutral, which fish is, according to my hub’s family.
I’ve also used Google to define things and terms I don’t understand.
So you’re telling a man who is Jewish how to be Jewish because you converted? Oh my dear, wow.
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And “According to my hub’s family” is hardly fact, darling. Not when you’re directing that at someone who, as he’s said, has lived it for 41 years. I wouldn’t exactly consider what you can Google and find on the first link you see to be fact. Wanna try again?
Where did I tell anyone HOW to be Jewish? Point that out.
I said how “I” learned, and nothing else. Did I say SA HAD to live like I do to be considered a Jew? Nope. Just because you’re born into something doesn’t mean you know everything there is to know about it.
Take what SA said at face value, or find out for yourself by doing the research. It’s up to you if you want to remain totally ignorant. I cited sources to back up what I have learned.
And I use Google to answer certain questions because now that we habe the internet there ARE such things as stupid questions.
lol!
Where are your cites, exactly? As I said, just saying you Goggled something or asked your husband’s parents, is not a cite. Other than that, you haven’t cited anything.
And one more point.
SA’s statements are taken as fact, despite clear evidence to the contrary.
I am castigated for refuting those statements, and when I anecdotally cite my husband’s multi-generational Jewish family traditions, which are backed up by the very facts I have stated, I am wrong.
It’s amusing, really.
SA, I would like to see you refute anything I stated with fact.
Life is a learning process, and if my aunts-and uncles in law are wrong, please do let me know, so I can point it out and wash fewer dishes. They are, after all, the ones mentor us.
Ok, so now your husband is a multi-generational Jew? Wanna go back on your previous statement that you and he are both converts? Which is it, April? You can’t have it both ways.
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The link is under my name. That’s how we cite, dear.
My husband’s parents died, which is why we were studying in the first place. I said family, not parents.
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You know very well that links don’t work well here, so I gave plenty of information for someone to look things up themselves. Believe me, I tried to link more than once, and the posts kept disappearing.
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I cited Supreme Court case law regarding people of the Jewish persuasion being categorized byt the Supremes as a race.
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I cited an article regarding the originator of Christian salt, who was anything but a “fundie” (whatever that means) but rather a businessman.
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I provided information about Christians with dietary restrictions.
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I provided the word for “neutral” foods so people can clearly see there are three categories.
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What more can I do, since links are nigh impossible? Did you read the post prior to the one where I cited generations of Jewish traditions?
Links work just fine, darling. As I said, there is one under my name.
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Also, you might like this one:
http : //y ourargumentisinvalid. com/ wp-content/uploads/2009/03/this_baloney_is_smiling.jpg
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Take out the spaces, and you have another reason why you’re incorrect.
Also, if your husband’s parents died, and he was raised by family, he would have been raised Jewish. Especially if they’re as expert on Judaism as you claim for them to be. You fail again.
See? You can’t put links in the body of your post either. Thanks for making my point for me!
If you could, there wouldn’t be any spaces to take out — it would ppear and you wouldn’t worry about it disappearing!
Thanks for the help — the links you requested are coming!
LOL!
LINK!
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Classification of foods
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To prevent the consumption of forbidden mixtures, foods are divided into three categories.
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* meat (Yiddish: fleischig, פליישיג; Hebrew: basari, בשרי)
* dairy (Yiddish: milchig, מילכיג; Hebrew: halavi, חלבי)
* parve (or pareve; from the Yiddish word parev (פרווה), meaning neutral)
=
Food in the parve category includes fish, fruit, vegetables, salt, non-organic foods, etc.; among the Karaites, Ethiopian Jews and some Persian Jewish communities it also includes poultry, but other Jewish groups consider poultry to count as meat. However, classical Jewish authorities argue that foods would lose their parve status if they are treated in such a way that they absorb the taste of milk or meat during cooking[47], soaking[48][49][50], or salting[51].
Yes, because Wikipedia is the fount of all knowledge. Oh, wait a second, you’ve already been outed as a Google/Wiki-Jew. Link under my name, darling. Want to find something better?
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Also, want to back up your claim that Baptists follow the “cloven hoof” rule?
They died while I was pregnant and we were searching for a faith for our children and to sustain us. He grew up with parents of divergent faiths, neither of whom practiced. Which is why I am empathetic to bigotry against many religions.
Glad that my revelation makes you feel superior.
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Link.
I considered Rastafarianism.
Out of curiosity, where are you from?
Where did I say Baptists didn’t eat pork? I said they had dietary restrictions, and they do, in most instances. They don’t imbibe alcohol, which is a dietary restriction. You may want to actually read what I said before you call me out on it
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{lenty of Christian faiths have dietary restrictions. Eastern Orthodox Christianity, Roman Catholics, Seventh Day Adventists, Baptists, Mormons, Jehovah’s Witnesses, individuals who follows the cloven-hoof prohibition in the Bible, just to name a few.
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Originally, or now? And you?
Both.
Link to parve as being useful to all faiths.
I am of Asiatic descent and am American.
You?
Are you a first-generation American?
No. Are you?
So where does the ESL fit in?
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And I’m nowhere close to first gen.
You can’t be first generation if you weren’t born here, can you?
I’m not sure, I figured you would know.
Just so you know, your calling me a W/G Jew (I’m stealing that, by the way, to show my converted friends) doesn’t offend me in the slightest. You’re darned right that I’d rather look everything up so I don’t appear daft when trying to discuss issues. It’s way easier than interpreting the meanings of scripture. Have you ever tried to read any of the Tanakh for basic understanding? LOL!
I’m not reluctant to ask, but I want to know what the answer is before I DO ask or try to join a conversation.
I know it makes you feel great to call me that, but since I acknowledged it as teh truth from the get-go don’t feel too self-important.
LOL! I’ve decided to call us Wikoogle Jews!! My friends will LOVE it!
I do know, but it has no bearing on my life.
My husband has always been a citizen, so as far as my children are concerned what generation any of us are doesn’t matter in the least. They are multi-generational Americans and I’m their mother.
By mutual agreement, we don’t discuss details of my youth.
Perhaps when we are elderly.
Oh, you WERE dropped on your head as a baby. I’m so very sorry, I wouldn’t have been so mean if I knew you really were. How’s your brother Sloth, by the way?
At least my mother loved me enough to get medical attention after dropping me. Yours, apparently, just kicked you in the corner and continued huffing on her crack pipe.
I love how you froth at the mouth, it adds a certain je ne sais quois to your insanity.
LOL! My insanity? Hmmm. You’re the one stalking someone who wasn’t even talking to you in the first place!
When you can’t refute the truth, you check Encarta for teh big words.
Too funny!
True story about je ne sais quois – my in-laws have no knowledge of French and I do, albeit what amounts to a patois. They came across some women one day speaking French, and deigned to ask them what “je ne sais quois” meant. As you can imagine, the answer was, “I don’t know what,” which prompted them to ask again (presumable louder and with more diction,) “What. does. je. ne. sais. quois. mean?” Which led to…well, you know.
When I explained it to them we all ended up laughing heh.
Wow, Anniee, that’s like a “Who’s on First” skit in French!
I do understand your point, fwiw. But Kosher laws come from the Old Testament Levitical law; and Christian products come largely from marketing concepts. There is nothing inherently wrong with producing “Christian” products; there is also nothing inherently Christian about doing so. Sometimes people stretch it into something that becomes a bit bizarre.
“Christians, however, can’t have the equivalent without being considered racists.
Show us where anyone here accused Christians being racists for eating something. I’ll save you some time: You can’t. Is it bizarre and stupid? Of course. Is it racist? No.
If you make wild, unproven claims, expect ridicule. It’s really that simple.
This insinuates Christians are racists. Read slowly, so you understand where the naughty parts are.
But because it’s had (gasp! horrors!) rabbis supervising its production, its been tainted by Teh Jewish, which is like Teh Gay but slightly less contagious and less socially acceptable to recoil in horror from openly.
April, take your time: Define “race.”
In the 1980s, the United States Supreme Court ruled that Jews are a race, at least for purposes of certain anti-discrimination laws. Their reasoning: at the time these laws were passed, people routinely spoke of the “Jewish race” or the “Italian race” as well as the “Negro race,” so that is what the legislators intended to protect.
From the same article you swiped [LINK],
April, take MORE time: Define “race.”
Doesn’t matter what you say.
The law of the United States defines Jews as a race in order to be able to prosecute for hate crimes. Obviously you disagree that they deserve a protected status under anti-discrimination laws.
Besides, not even the Jewish people can agree on whether they are a race.
So you think I used the wrong word. Does it make the statement any less racist/bigoted/ignorant.
Nope.
And I didn’t swipe it. I can’t make the link work.
Strawman fallacy: “Obviously you disagree that they deserve…”
You understand that you can’t win this one.
Better luck next time.
Win what one? Everyone can read the racist/bigoted/ignorant statment made by the commenter and judge it accordingly.
It has nothing to do with what either one of us say about it.
Protest away. But what’s logically obvious is you disagree that the Jews are a race, despite their protected status, which logically follows that you disagree that they are deserving of the classification, and thus, the status.
Who said anything about winning? You’re the one that seems to believe there is anything to win.
I’m just protesting against racism/bigotry/ignorance.
You are not a mind reader, it’s plain. I have the advantage here, in that many people know my stances through previous conversations and arguments.
What’s “logically obvious” to you has no basis in reality. Your “logic” doesn’t flow. Protected status and race are not equal. You’re comparing apples and ceiling fans. Any conclusion that you reach equating that which is not equal is terminally flawed: Garbage in; garbage out.
You obviously understood where I was going, because you never defined “race.”
Here is your fail, in your own words:
Ah–How far you’ve come!
Want to make a strike against racism, bigotry and ignorance, do you?
Start at home, Dear.
The Supremes defined them as a race, not a protected status.
Deal with it.
My fail? I agree Jews can have their food however they want.
So can Christians.
What about your fail, Dear, in assuming what I am racially an d religiously.
Hubby and I are converts!
ROFLMAO!!!!
Quote me. Put up or shut up.
Oh, and be sure and tell “hubby” that you’ve told the internet that you’ve converted to win fake points on the internet, okay? I’m sure he (imaginary or not) will be proud of you!
Your words have already given you away.
Is the failure hard to take? Just grab another name, and start over. Oops, I see that advice has already been taken. You won’t trick anyone for long, because you can’t shake the FAIL that follows you like a shadow.
Were you dropped on your head as a baby? There are no Christian requirements concerning food consumption. There ARE a lot of Jewish requirements. No one is saying you can’t have your own salt, we’re only laughing at you if you do because it has NO RELIGIOUS SIGNIFICANCE AT ALL.
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Oops! Hivemind. It wasn’t actually you that said it, but a member of your hive!
Who am I trying to trick? You?
LOL!
You =/= taref. Racist.
Oh, so to make yourself seem *right*, you have to make me responsible for the opinions of others.
Go back and look for any sign that I stated an opinion on the subject. If you’re feeling lazy, I’ll save you the trip: I didn’t.
You fail again, racist.
That’s what I thought.
Eizo efes!
If you didn’t want to own the discussion, why did you get involved?
Feeling a bit warmish under that collar?
LOL!
Calling me a loser in Hebrew, when I’ve clearly pointed out your fails must make you feel so happy about yourself. I’ll leave you to your delusions. Have another drink.
Let’s see if this one posts.
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So you’re not Hitler, you’re Goebbels.
You’re not responsible for the racism,
you’re reproducing and agreeing with the propaganda!
LOL! And I’M the racist.
Shalom, faux-lib.
Have another drink. Pretty soon you’ll feel loads better about yourself.
It’s not Friday.
Gods wounds you really are a racist, aren’t you?
How sad for you. Other races offer much.
I told you to put up or shut up, and you made no offer of proof (because there is none), so you are a liar. You’re a liar and a bigot (and I’ve proven so).
Go get a candy bar. You’ve had a bad day.
Rho, you don’t have a big enough troll stick… you know better. What’d I miss? is this a new misguided soul or a new sock?
LOL! *hugs Min*
It’s a new sock.
*hands Minerva a shiny new stick*
Care to take a few whacks?
Nope. Not a liar. You did not make the statement, and I acknowledged that, but you are sure enough defending it.
Will you face the firing squad, with the rest that were just parroting the party line, then?
Call me a bigot all you want.
I’ve seen it in action, and accusing Christians of Jew hating just because they wantto market their own product, while still bigotry, is mild.
What is this overweening need to win, and prove you’re a winner?
Was daddy too high to root for you at your softball games?
LOL!
You’re the one who seems to need the candy bar. It appears I have taken candy from the proverbial baby, since you are reduced to calling me a liar and a bigot, when really it’s just your reflection.
Now, if you’d just agree that slan agent’s statement “I guess some born-again fundie types felt the need to produce their own yummy pretzel salt that didn’t have icky Jew cooties” was really rather “bigoted” (since Jews aren’t really a race in America, according to you), we can agree.
If it hurts too much, play role reversal. Put “Christian” in the role of “Jew” and see what happens to your mind. After all, you all scoff at the Bible, so why would Biblical definitions of how one’s supposed to eat matter in this scenario?
LOL!
Yep? Nope? Makes no matter to me.
How am i misguided?
I called someone who was spouting racist (bigoted) statements a racist.
Wait..I thought you were liberals, and disagreed with racism.
OOps on me, I guess!
Read, dahlink. You were called a sock after the initial question of your identity.
If you’re not high, you need a shrink.
Above @April, of course, LOL!
I’m not seeing any cohesive arguments other than “I know you are, but what am I.” That about sum it up?
@Min:
Well, there’s that, and “a bigot of a bigot is a bigot.” Otherwise, you haven’t missed much.
Why are you so obsessed with calling me footwear?
Fine. You’re a shoe.
And why do I need a shrink? Because I disagree with racism, and it angers me when people make erroneous assumptions about others’ races and religions rather than taking the time to learn about them?
I think it’s really closed-minded of anyone to assume racism and assign motives to someone just because they market their own brand of anything.
It’s a free market, and I make and sell authentic kimchi and Jangajji, which both have significance in my culture.
Does that mean I think those who buy it from the store are any less religious or loyal to their race because they don’t.
Sad. Really sad.
Ah the Clueless Wonders ride again… Pretty sure I know who this sounds like.
Yeah, the spinning off-topic spiral and some other tells have me thinking your way, too.
I disagree with you = I’m crazy, I’m footwear (which I now know means yhou think I am someone you dislike), I’m not the “winner.”
Fine. All your prostrations and assertions don’t make me any less correct, or the statement any less bigoted/racist/ignorant, which is perfectly fine with me.
Unless it was meant as sarcasm, in which case this whole discussion has been an exercise in futility.
lol!
What bearing does a 1960s black girl vocal trio have?
Ahem. Methinks April may be correct here…sounds a tad bigoted to me, ladies and germs…
April used the term “racist.”
But the troll only had one brain cell and it healed up.
And so we all lived happily ever after…
I guess because if a secular item is good, a christian one would be even better? So that you can consume solely “christian” brand items or something? Who knows. It’s silly.
It’s weird. Catholics (and a few others) tend to view salvation as a checklist. Get these done and you can go to heaven (yes, I know it’s more complicated than that, don’t freak out bible scholars) whereas most protestant religions view it as a God’s Grace sort of thing, God decides, bottom line. So surrounding yourself with only Christian media and items seems strange to me, as well since it’s not getting you into heaven any easier.
not everything is about getting YOU into heaven. in a capitalist society you vote with your dollars. some christians choose to make sure that the support other christians. there’s nothing to it but that…
Huh. I have to agree with UBR here. (Sorry ubr!) There is that.
Supporting Christian businesses is akin to the Ebony Project except with Christianity instead of race-based businesses. Not something I am particularly interested in, but a valid pursuit nonetheless.
Still…ya’ know, Christian versus Kosher salt? That IS funny.
I say screw it and eat agnostic salt.
If Barack Obama’s other orifice could speak, what would he say?(parody) BHO Taileprompter
Oh look! A blog wh0re…
Blogspot called and they want their bandwidth back.
This one is MUCH better.
I’m just glad you guys actually like this one…
I’m digging it.
It was funny
mmmmm..
Nothing like religious humility.
Love the ‘cedes popey!
For those who are bored, new lolz in my linkage.
you might want to see your mechanic about that…
The Beverly Hillbillys could have used one of those.
Love it
Is that a tupperware ™ popemobile?… haz that been ‘burped’?
Who is this protecting? Him? or us?
The sticker on the window says:
Break glass in case of Reformationist.
My question is, if you shake the Popemobile, does it have the white snow flakey stuff, or does it have “holy” glitter sparkles?
Vacuum sealed for freshness*
*Freshness should not be confused with purity
Then why are their ideas so stale?
Priceless!
Funny – I like it. This blog is officially back on track to being a pleasant and funny diversion
Well done!
WE ARE BUILDING YOU A RELIGION he is calling you DUDE!
Somehow, I doubt the Pope has ever been high.
Well, I dunno, he’s pretty far up off the ground in that thing.
Which is why I could never be Pope. Apart from not being catholic and being female, I could NEVER sit in a bubble like that and not have control of the vehicle. Mount some turrets on that puppy and give it turbo boost and whooWEE! What a ride!
Cause I got high, cause I got high, cause I got high..
I was going to let Galileo off the hook, but then I got high…
Was thinkin’ of returning all the loot I took, but then I got high…
Not as high as DUDE!
So keeping him on the shelf next to my mint condition Dahli Llama! (begs for forgiveness to anyone uptight enough to be offended)