YOUNG AT HEART
When you’re over 80 and you have more balls than most teenagers.
(George H.W. Bush)
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YOUNG AT HEART
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So how many balls does he have?
He has two, but since half of all teenagers (approximately) are female, the average teenager only has one.
Chuck Norris once got into a “Who has more balls” contest with Lance Armstrong. Chuck Norris won by 5.
On most males, one ball is bigger than the other. On Chuck Norris, ALL his balls are bigger than the others.
LOL.
We females have balls–we just sensibly keep them safely inside!
I hear it hurts twice as much to get kicked all the way up there.
called femme-balls
chick-nuts?
Isn’t that a breakfast cereal?
girl pearls
Oh noes! Dey is called Chicklits!
Along the same lines, one of my favorites: “There are, on average, two popes per square kilometer in Vatican City.”
OMG flying bush !!!!
And more health care
I guess he could have only one; since there are more girls than boys, the majority of teenagers have none
oof – this goes under diss at the top.
Well, yeah, but the mean would be slightly under one. Depends on whether you think mean, median (0) or mode (also 0) would be the more meaningful measure of balls.
Oh I can think of far more meaningful ways to ascertain their properties.
In bed, with a pen –
- with a peanut butter sandwich in a penthouse with Sean Penn.
Writing to your pen pal at the penitentiary?
Penning pent-up pleasure-posts to Penthouse.
Your pending penitence makes me pensive. Perhaps I’m just pining for a penis…
To pet, perchance to play with -
ay, there’s the rub …
…for in that sleep of death wet dreams may come…
Good night, good night! Parting with such sweet semen …
What a piece of work is man, particularly the pork sword…
Canst thou, O partial sleep, give thy repose
To the wet sea-boy in an hour so rude …
Uneasy lies the head that wears a purple crown.
The fault, dear Brutus, is not in our stars, but in our pants…
Wilt thou upon the high and giddy mast
Seal up the ship-boy’s eyes, and rock his brains …
Frailty, thy name is erectile dysfunction…
I love you guys so much that I can’t tell whether puke will come out of my mouth or my butt will literally fall off from laughter.
*bows before the mightiness of pittypat and suicide blond
Holy jumped up jeebus on a stick, I just shot milk out of my nose, and I haven’t had milk in 2 days.
Get thee both to a punnery.
Ha! Nice one froo!
Hey a pun is nothing to shake a spear at!
Yeah, it also helps to be a millionaire, so you can sky-dive as much as you, oh, say, drive your own car.
Actually, I think news channels mentioned that this is his third or fourth time skydiving, the first one of which was him bailing out of a plane during a war. So if that was true, he doesn’t drive a car very often… (Although at this age and with the Secret Service around, he might not, lol.)
This was his 7th time.
You do realize that “golden parachute” is just an expression, right?
Ew.
*grabs soap*
Ew.
Hey! Nothing like a 14 karat squeaky-clean shower…
That assumes the shower is a clean sample! Ever heard of a UTI?
Whatever does the Universal Technical Institute have to do with taking a shower in a precious metal?
Ew don’t know the trouble urine.
Don’t get pissy!
Urethra dirty minded or a little nuts.
There’s really not a vas deferens between the two.
According to urea-lity …
Well, ureter much into the whole thing, anyway.
Well I read enough to know that Emanual kant pee because his diuretic method was replaced by Kegelian philosopee.
… and there you have a brief pisstory of ideas of urination.
Go and piss off the lot of you!! You’re all talking out of your arses (Oh wait a minute!! Wrong end
)
I don’t know many teenagers who would refuse a chance at skydiving.
I know I wouldn’t.
Same here. Then again, if I had a son like his, I’d probably jump without the chute. Does that still qualify as skydiving?
Then again you’re still a troll who knows nothing about me personally or my family, so you’re really not qualified to make judgments.
Tyler, I think you’re taking offense at what appears to be an insult to Bush I’s son…as I read it.
I AM SO FAIL.
Sorry, I was reading teh caretroll’s posts and was ready to throttle mice. My bad, Compulsorry! Paranoia FAIL!
I feel so bad. Sorry again, Compulsorry, I thought you were… Again. Megh. I thought he had socks.
Right. I officially have nothing useful to do, at the moment, digging up posts half a year old… and still I don’t really check back often enough, I guess, cos had I seen this sooner I would’ve replied:
No worries, have a beer
what i don’t understand is why anyone would want to jump out of a perfectly good airplane?
One of the first times he did it, it wasn’t a perfectly good airplane – it was on fire and going down.
When I was a teenager there’s no way in hell I would’ve gone skydiving. I’m terrified of heights.
Well that doesn’t mean you *Shouldn’t* have
I know I would, and I’m not much for heights either.
Trust me. It’s a damn good thing I’ve never gone. Not that much of a thrill seeker over here.
If jumping out of extreme heights were as exciting as taking a nap, no one would do it. The stress is a necessary part of the whole thing. I am afraid of heights too, I even get weak knees when I’m standing on a ladder in my living room, but the real reason why I don’t go skydiving – besides the money – is the risk. For example, if something goes wrong in the water, you may still have a good chance to survive by your own strength. If anything goes wrong in the air, you will inevitably go SPLAT!
So if I’m healthy enough in my old age, I definitely want to do it. In that case I will be only losing a few years
he doesn’t necessarily have more balls, he just has nothing to lose if he dies.
O_o Touche. Didn’t think about it that way.
*lol* Just my thought
Imagine you were young and terminally ill…would you live a safe quiet life or would you rather want to experience the extremes life has to offer as long as you are able to?
Doing risky things is far more sensible in old age than before…because if it goes wrong in young age, you throw away an entire life.
Yeah, my first thought was that there was secret deathwish involved. Better to die from thrill than in a sick bed, no?
I’m SO proud of you people for not going “FIRST” at the top of this LOL.
you know…he has a bigger bush then most teenagers too
I feel like I’m missing something. It’s not supposed to be funny, but witty, right? But there isn’t anything remotely clever. Is this supposed to make me laugh?
I think it’s supposed to play off the “wimp” meme, which, oddly enough, no one seems to have mentioned…
Go go gadget George!
Old and rich: When you’re over 80 and can easily afford a skydive, unlike most teenagers.
A single skydive typically costs $85-200. Not exactly monocle and top hat territory…
I don’t have 85
Mostly because I’m doing volunteer work, not an actual job, though.
No offense to the broke teenagers out there — been there, done that. But still, if you wanted to go skydiving, you could probably scrape it together or save up for a bit.
I just don’t get the knee-jerk “old rich guy” reaction for something that’s not even close to costing rich-person money. If he had bought the plane when he finished — or the business — then that’s a different story.
Or the farm…
What farm is he buying? I don’t see Bush as…
Oh.
I see what you did there.
Fine, I give up on my “stop asking stupid questions on PK” rule.
*sigh*
Damn curiousity. What did HST mean there?
What?
“bought the farm” = dead, in US idiom. I don’t know why.
If a serviceman was killed in action, his family would receive a payout from the insurance that service personnel were issued with. This would be sufficient to pay off the family mortgage, and thus, buy the farm.
Cool! Thanks for the background!!
Actually, according to Snopes at least, that’s unconfirmed. (I was surprised; I figured the etymology for that phrase would be much less complicated than it is.)
I still want to know why dropping a deuce is sometimes called “I gotta see a man about a horse.” It’s funny, sure, but what does it mean?
Eric, I think in Australia the more common saying is “see a man about a dog”, which I have vague reason to believe is rhyming slang for “take a bog”. Then I read elsewhere that no one knows the origin of the phrase, and that people use it to excuse themselves any time they can’t be bothered explaining.
Helpfulness: zero.
What is more surprising is that AC hasn’t read Heinlein’s “Starship Troopers”, which is where I learnt about “real estate deals”.
Haven’t read Heinlein actually… *is ashamed* I keep meaning to buy “Stranger in a strange land” but I’m too stingy… And skint…
Don’t you have libraries in Scotland?
*Mutter about the bloody annoying people who only want to read potboilers and end up exiling sci-fi books that aren’t star wars novels to the reserves*
Yeah, but they don’t always have the books I’m looking for… And I already have a few out and am not so keen to get everything from there. I think they hate me after my last fine… £7.70, people, Seven pounds seventy!!!!
£7.70
Uh, is that a lot?
For a Library fine which is usually about 45p (£0.45) in our library. I’m also a very, very stingy person who hates losing money
About $12.50.
Is skint a Scottish word? O.o
Umm… I thought it was just a word… Does a Scottish person saying “y’all” make that a Scottish phrase?
Nope, but what’s a skint?
Ok, complete not-understanding-Tyler FAIL on my part. Skint is the state of having little or no money/cash…
They say it’s damn near impossible, eh?
Aye; skint is a wurd fae the Scots.*
*Yes, skint is a word taken from the Scots language.
OMG, as I read that post I heard it in a bad Scottish accent (like perhaps Mike Myers). Ah, America, where all of our accent impressions SUCK.
Big hint wrt Heinlein; all the good stuff was written in the 1950s, 60s and 70s, so read Starship Troopers and Stranger when you get the chance, and leave it at that. I read some of the later stuff, and really wish I’d not bothered.
Thanks, I’ll remember that when I’m looking for some summer reads… I have a lot of lost reading time to make up for now that exams are all finished!
Any time. I’m a major science fiction fan from back well before I was your age (I first saw Star Trek in monochrome), and am easily old enough to be your father, with a personal collection of over 2_000 titles (not all SF though).
Another PK’er who is insulating their living space with books! I resemble that remark!
I have many leather bound books and my apartment smells of rich mahogany.
If only I could also resemble that, VG. Alas my space is limited so once a year I go through a painful purging and donate books that are not absolutely necessary for my survival to the library. I comfort myself by telling myself that other people are getting enjoyment of them now.
I have several books. That belong to my wife.
Torrents **cough cough** Torrents!! (and free download sites.) Did I say anything like Copyright Infringement. Nope!! Don’t think I did. **walks away whistling casually**
“Buying the farm” = colloquialism for dying.
Really? Oh wow, I like that… I may use it sometime. Yes, I’m quite glad I gave up on the rule here. Death colloquialisms amuse me; kicking the bucket, popping your clogs… Where did they all come from, I wonder…
From me… When I talk about my job.
You’re an undertaker/assasin/nursing home worker?
Good job, you’re 3/10ths of the way there..
You said you did voluntary work. So… The last one?
(I’ve been doing some domestic work at one, but I get paid)
I’m kidding, AC
Gah! This is because I gave up on my rule… I cannot brain today, I have the dum…. It’s too hot for my brain to work anyway. It must be about 30 degrees celcius here. I don’t know what that is in Fahrenheit but it’s probably about a zillion. I could never live in somewhere like Australia. Damn global warming.
So what voluntary work do you do?
C to F – mutiply by 9/5, then add 32, which makes 30C 86F.
AC: It’s currently 94 degrees here (that’s 34 to you!) at 10:30 am…oh, yeah, and with 59% humidity.
(Come to think of it, I might have a new theory on why Americans are more prone to shooting each other than Canadians…)
@paws: thanks, I shall remember that.
@Diss: Jings, that’s warm, lol… So how do you measure the percentage of humidity?
@AC: No idea, I just read it off the weather report!
Wikipedia link. I didn’t read all of it -it had numbers in it…
Current temp in St. Louis’ suburbs, about 97 degrees F (which in Celsius is…uh…really f-ing hot). I don’t know how hot it is in the city, probably 100. Heat index is about 110. I will NOT be mowing the super tall grass today.
Okay, convert it to Kelvin. GO!
@Eric: Down the river here we are currently at 99, heat index 109 (in Celsius that’s StaytheFsckInside, I think!)
Ooer, what’s heat index?
Never mind, google tells me it’s what we call ‘apparent temperature’. You crazy foriengers.
Yeah, heh. Wait…popping your clogs? That’s a new one for me.
HEE HEE ROFL!
I can’t help it… it sounds so kewl…
I wanna BE a clog-popper…
But it’s just that a broke teenager could have better things to spend his/her 80 to 200 dollars on than proving how many balls he/she has.
Have you met any teenagers lately? Seems to me that most teenagers (especially male ones) are completely consumed with how big their balls are, and proving it to the world.
We’ve got the biggest balls of them all.
He’s got big balls, she’s got big balls…..
I prefer Pete’s Schwetty Balls. Or Chef’s Chocolate Salty Balls.
Add ten more dollars and you could probably skydive with a monocle and top hat.
Since his balls are now at the back of his throat is that a good thing?
hey — when I’m over 80, I just want to be able to carry on a cogent conversation and NOT be drooling. Gotta hand it to him for WANTING to skydive — let alone being able to!
When I’m over 80, I want to look back and be thankful I had no part in spawning GW…
GW? Is that a backward whargarble (looking back and all)?
Oh, he’s a backward whargarble alright…
*snort*
Tell me again how being strapped to somebody else is ballsy. Time to solo old man!
…not to mention that most teens CAN’T sky dive anyway. Minimum age is 16 with parental consent or 18 without.
EXPLOSM! YAY
But would he get secret service consent?
VG, do you read explosm? It’s in the name if you don’t read C&H regularly.
Never heard of it before–just did the Google thing, and didn’t recognize it either. My comics have mostly been in paper form, I confess!
It’s the best comic ever, especially Kris.
As if teenagers have balls. They’re just dumb enough to do something as outrageous as throw themselves out of a perfectly good plane.
Hey, I’m not stupid, I’m just…. Moronic.
Your comment is awesome.
Yeah, why would I jump out of a plane and land THUMP on the ground when I’m not even where I’m going? Isn’t that why I got on the plane in the first place? To go somewhere?
Eric, to go for…. The target
The person with the majority of their crunched torso closest to the Bulls-eye wins!
But the Target is just down the street in the same plaza with Kohl’s and OfficeMax. Why wouldn’t I just drive there?
If I’d brought george w. into the world I’d jump out of a plane too.
Wow, good one. You’re only the 37th person to post that joke in this thread.
And more money than teens to go do things like skydive to prove how many balls you have…
Well he’s old; he’s bound to die these days. A teenager would risk his entire life by jumping out of a plane.
Rock on G H W B
Oh, friggin’ please. ANYONE can skydive with a trained friggin’ skydiver on their back. Almost every single thrill on earth can be obtained for a some, and without training. Kinda takes the awesome out of it. The balls too.
History fail.
Actually sorry!! This is how you are supposed to Sky Dive first to get the feel of it. Then you adopt a training chute, before going onto the full sky dive system. I’ve done parachuting a few times (I have no idea why as I’m ex Navy. Not much point in skydiving out of a ship!!
)
teenagers don´t have balls. they think dressing in baggy pants makes them gangstas. they would crap their pants if they did anything even remotely dangerous.
Thanks for stereotyping all of us with your broad brush. Think for yourself for once, Kelly. I’ve met you and argued on Graphjam, don’t make me use my logic on you here.
Thanks for telling her. Kelly obviously got “balls” tho’… she dares to trashtalk and generalize on the internet!
more balls than other presidents, too. well, president.