SHOPPING FOR THE WIFE
Even rulers of the worlds must do it occasionally.
(Vladimir Putin)
Picture by: © AP Photo/РИА-Новости, Алексей Никольский. Caption by: dunno source via Poster Builder
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SHOPPING FOR THE WIFE
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yes and hes in the candy isle.
I don’t usually consider preserved meats to be part of the candy food group….
Take note of the canned ham, balogna, hot dogs…clearly he’s in the lunchmeat section.
Mmmmmmm, sweet, tasty, chocolate covered bologna.
that was almost gross enough to make me stop eating my homemade banana bread breakfast. ALMOST. but nothing beats my great grandmother’s banana bread recipe.
I realize I’m in the minority but I absolutely can’t stand bananas. My mother is constantly trying to sneak it in stuff because she believes I just haven’t given them a chance but I always know. Bananas are one of those ingredients that change the taste of whatever you combine it with. Now zucchini or cranberry bread and I’m all over that.
i have a good zucchini bread recipe at home too. another one of the great grandmother’s. it’s better with chocolate chips in it though because i find that cooked zucchini gets a little bitter.
Try substituting honey or brown sugar for white sugar. Also, you could try using smaller zucchini; as with many vegetables, the smaller ones often are more tender and delicately flavored.
She can cook too!
Tessie, we is getting married.
i *believe* the recipe calls for brown sugar… i just find zucchini bitter and i like chocolate. the only veggies i don’t really find “bitter” once it’s cooked are red, orange and yellow peppers. even the “basic” veggies lose so much flavor when they’re cooked… which is why i eat a lot of them raw.
Brown sugar. How come it tastes so good?
Because a young girl should.
Have you tried steaming them rather than boiling them?
Oh, my mom has great recipes for both zucchini and cranberry. I don’t find that it is bitter, but then, I like veggies as a general rule anyway.
i’ll eat almost any veggie raw, but there are a lot that i won’t touch once they’re cooked just because the flavor profile changes so much.
I *love* banana bread, but not bananas. Mmmm…. Delicious bread.
Okay, maybe I just love baked foods.
-Eats more cookies- Ready for the trolls today, Jane?
i might share the super secret recipe with you if you ask nicely.
although, i find the key to a REALLY good banana bread is you have to use the bananas that are PITCH black. if they’re ripe they don’t break down properly in the batter. they need to be total mush.
are we troll baiting today? i’ve got nothing better to do and tomorrow i’ve not got work…
I feel the same way with anything you cook involving pears. Which is great because if I’m going to eat pears I want them slightly crisp. So once they go mushy I can do something with them and have them not go to waste.
totally. i like eating a crisp pear but trying to cook with one like that is just way too difficult.
Naw. I gots to work so I’m taking it easy today.
“I don’t usually consider preserved meats to be part of the candy food group….”
`
Except bacon.
[homer drool]
Bacon makes everything okay.
It’s almost magical. Observe:
cheeseburger
BACON cheeseburger
Now which one do you want?
Double it.
…and add jalapenos.
And pickles.
No, no, NO pickles! *gags*
I had mono for a whole summer and all I could eat was pickles (that I could keep down). Dad would bring home a jar every day. Got down to 85 lbs at 16. :-/
Yeah, I have a real aversion to pickles. I can’t even stand to watch other people eat them..
Pickles are cucumbers soaked in EVIL, I tell you!
*hides the pickle*
Wait, that doesn’t sound right.
*snort*
*tickle tickle*
Could you shift around a bit, luv?
Hee hee.. I’ll gag you with my pickle, baby…
Is it deep thought? Or deep throat? OMG that’s bad.
YES! Totally pickles! Lots of pickles!!!!
Mmmm, jalapenos.. or even habeneros..
Have you guys heard of the Bacon Flavored Vodka?
i saw the food network special where they showed how the guy infused the flavor in it. when i have to scrape a layer of FAT off the top of my vodka… i’ll know i’m an alcoholic and just check myself into rehab all on my own.
Yes, but I’ve tried bacon flavored mints. I got them as a gag for my best friend, and now we give them to people as a gag. We tell them that they’re normal mints, and wait for the reaction.
I think i saw pizza flavoured beer the other day.
I’ve eaten a chocolate bar with bacon in it. Soooo goooood!!!!
It was basically chocolate covered bacon… Which is epic win in a can. So yeah. Win.
“Mmmm. Move over, eggs. Bacon just got a new best friend — fudge.”
“I don’t see ‘Souls of Children’ on list…”
LOL!!!!! No “blood of virgins” either.
He must be all stocked up on those essentials… lol!
Costco has them, but you have to buy the big package of 800 souls.
Ugh, that’s ridiculous. Have you ever looked at the expiration date on those? They don’t keep well.
Only Dick Cheney can eat that many souls before they go bad. He’s their best customer.
Well, they ARE low in saturated fat and cholesterol. It’s not bad for his heart at all.
Ludmila forgot to put Georgia on here too…..
hes doing something i would never do
You must be some kind of stupid.
A trip to the grocery store is a small price to pay for good pu$$y.
we don’t let my dad go to the grocery store… after mom had her knee replaced we gave him a DETAILED list of what we needed. he came back with milk, ice cream, bananas, count chocula cereal and doritos. we’d sent him for produce and other such food staples. it’s since been my job to get the groceries when mom is not able to do it.
Charlie’s the same way! Even with a list he is constantly getting the wrong thing.
dad didn’t just get the wrong thing. he completely avoided the list and shopped as if we’d let a 6 year old loose in the store.
you know how the cereal aisle is set up with all the sugary stuff down low so the little kids will see it? that’s the shit he would buy if mom didn’t regulate things. instead she’ll buy him one box of sugar cereal and like 6 boxes of fiber cereal and he can’t have more sugar cereal until the others are all gone. he’s a 54 year old 6 year old… *sigh*
I’m giggling, because my dad is the exact same way.
i think all dads are that way. it’s probably in the fine print of the “dad handbook”.
No, no, it’s not that way at all (either that or I’m the exception). My wife will give me a list and I follow it to the letter. What I hate is when I’m heading out the door and she yells out, “Get some ice cream, ok?” and gets upset if I forgot to buy it. If it ain’t on the list, it ain’t gettin’ bought.
My husband has to send me with a list. I’m the worst impulse shopper in the world. I’m still not sure how I can walk out of WalMart $200 poorer and only have three bags with me, and Hubby can make the same trip, spend $50, and come home with 15 bags and fill up the pantry.
Wal-Mart is a veritable pantheon of cheap shinies.
You’re screwed.
*and yes, i do mean pantheon*
Unfortunately for me, I’m very literal when it comes to shopping. And if there’s something on the list that the store is out of, I will drive across town to another store to get that one thing.
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Speaking of impulse shopping, that would be my wife. If we stop at the store to get one or two things, we come out with 10 bags and $300 poorer. I’ve learned not to say a word when that happens. The one and only time I said something nearly ended in WWIII.
Froo, I’m the same way. Hell, I can get everything on the list to the letter, and still somehow spend $50 more than my wife would spend with the same list. I have NO idea how it happens. Yet it always does…
She’s blowing the checker.
But…..but the checker only has one eye and a mangled hand! And a really weird looking ear!
Hey froo, $50 is $50.
That’s like, elebenty hundred a year in savings!
…and quit telling everyone what I look like, willya?
WHAT? I knew it!!!
It’s the coupons.
I think you’re the exception, Eddie. Because I’m a lousy shopper too. And just like the dads mentioned above, I gotta get myself some sugary cereal that I don’t need (even though I’m not supposed to have much sugar). I don’t even eat it for breakfast. It’s usually dessert for me, or late night snack. No wonder I’ve gotten so fat.
The funny part is, I’ll be walking through the store, list in hand, thinking that I’d love to get something to snack on. But I usually don’t give in, it’s not on the list! There have been exceptions where I might buy a bag of chips, but it’s not very common. Altough, the exception is if my wife calls me while I’m at the store and wants me to get something, I’ll get that next so I won’t forget.
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I think it basically comes down to me hating the shopping. And what’s even worse is wandering aimlessly around a store while someone else shops. My ex-wife used to do that, and after 10 minutes of her not finding what she was looking for, I was ready for murder. The only exception to this is bookstores. I can spend hours in a bookstore.
The only way I could ever possibly follow a list without getting a headache would be if the list was in order by how it appears in the store. Otherwise I’ll be wandering aimlessly back and forth across the store looking for those few items that I missed. Even a simple shopping trip takes me at least an hour.
I’ve got the aisles of three stores commited to memory, so I always know where something is regardless of the store. I can be in and out of the store in no time..
I usually do my lists like that. Fortunately, while our local store is big enough to have what I need, it’s not American supermarket sized, so when things are in disorder on the list, or the store has moved things about, it doesn’t kill me to go back. But a list in shop placement order is the only way to shop. (With the same exception as eddiepscetti – bookstores. And, if it’s a good movie store – movie stores.)
i had the aisles of the local store memorized and they just rearranged them all 2 weeks ago. i swear the only thing i can still find in the store is beer… and that’s because they didn’t move it yet. milk? bread? fruit? cereal? good luck. my favorite was that they completely emptied like 4 aisles at a time so that they could load them up on flats and then move them to the new aisle. meaning that for certain days there really was NO bread on the shelves at all. THAT was infuriating.
I usually shop stoned and listless. I’m full of bad choices.
Shortright: Having worked at a grocery chain for the better part of 5 years, I can sympathize. It’s called a reset in most parts of the world, and is a PAIN IN THE @$$ for everyone, including the employees. There’s a sound marketing reason behind it, though. I mean, if you’re wondering around the store trying to find the bread, you might see a $10 something or other that you can’t live without.
Know what I hate? When you’re in the grocery store and you’re looking for some product that could be in more than one place, and you look everywhere, and it’s like it just doesn’t exist or something. Really, grocery store, you don’t stock cinnamon sugar? (And, yes, I know it’s perfectly simple to make it yourself at home, but I know damn well I have both seen it and purchased it before and it just…vanished.)
@froo–Yeah, as a prisoner, uh, employee of retail I’m very familiar with the reset. And there is some rather sound marketing behind it. If you walk into the same store every week for months on end, everything is going to blur as you walk past it and nothing interesting is going to catch your eye. It isn’t until everything gets mixed up a little that you open your eyes and do some real shopping. Customers who enjoy familiarity with their local grocery store, Walmart, Target, etc, really hate that kind of change, but to be honest, that’s kind of the point.
Oooh, bookstores!!
*wanders off down the mystery aisle*
-Follows and drags Viking into the fantasy aisle-
Fantasy? How did I get here? Oh well…
*goes to see if friend’s next book is out*
-Hands Viking Pratchett and Gemmell, then Patrick Rothfuss’ “Name of the Wind”-
You likeses?
I actually haven’t read any of them. My taste is a bit esoteric.
*scuffs foot in the dirt*
How about C.E. Murphy, Lois McMaster Bujold, or Connie Willis’s “Domesday book”?
Nope. You never read The Jerusalem Man/ White Wolf?
That’s shameful, for a teacher. Well, then again, it’s science…
Still. Shouldn’t you like to read about new worlds where you get a whole new set of science rules?
I do read science fiction and fantasy. Just not necessarily the same authors as you (and apparently the majority of the PK regulars). For example I recently read ‘Sunshine’ by Robin McKinley, a very, very different sort of vampire book–sort of the anti-Twilight. No sparkles or sighing allowed. Or “Maximum Ice” by Kay Kenyon…colonizers trying to return to a totally altered Earth.
Asimov, then?
And the anti-Twilight? I think I like it already. You in the mood to go bash some more fans with pipes, or do you need to catch your breath?
A bit of Asimov here and there–it was already on the shelves in my parents’ home, after all!
I think I’m for a book and bed now, after a weekend of camping. *tucks Asimov under her arm*
Nighty-night!
Night, VG!
Asimov! noooo, you HAVE to read McCaffrey’s Pern series. I will spend HOURS checking to see where they are in a store.
The Captain’s B/F sucks at shopping. I send him for milk, he gets socks. Not kidding either. I think he has ADD…
maybe he’s just lactose intollerant and has a foot fetish!!
*thinks*
You know I did catch him in my stillettos the other day.
O_o
I think I’ve just realized something. . .
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And I am just kidding. My manfriend is a very manly man. Probably couldn’t even walk in stillettos.
Honey, I can’t walk in stillettos.
I adore stilettos. But hey, lots of women don’t like them, and after a whole day wearing them I can see where they’re coming from.
If they hurt, I’m not wearing them. Foot surgery in the later years is something I want to avoid at all costs. And regardless of how they look, if my feet hurt, I am so NOT in a sexy mood!
I’ve started avoiding dinner parties since I showed up in tennis shoes and blue jeans.
Charlie does have ADD. One time I was having a chocolate fix and I was on this kick where I really liked the Hershey’s Toffee Almond nuggets. I wrote down what I wanted and even had a conversation with him before he left. I said, “Dad, I want the TOFFEE Almond ones. You might be confused because the ALMOND ones are right next to them, but make sure to get the TOFFEE Almond nuggets.” He came home with the Almond ones. I couldn’t even be mad because he was like, “I don’t know what happend! I stood there looking at them and I told myself, don’t get the Almond, don’t get the Almond.”
hahaha… poor charlie.
It’s like that episode of Family Guy where Peter sees the DO NOT OPEN DURING FLIGHT on the airplane door. Few seconds tick by and he yanks it, gets sucked out, and does that silly laugh as he plummets.
Sounds like me around red buttons, noses, and money.
I wish I could post the link but I don’t know how to do it in text and when I put a website in the website box wordpress eats my comment.
It’s hilarious though and might still be on youtube.
“Don’t get the almond, don’t get the…hey, are those peanut butter M&M’s? Those are awesome! Wait, what was I getting? Oh yeah, almond nuggets.”
I LOL’d
Peanut butter m&m’s are actually my favorite candy of all time. Mmmmmmmm.
Oh hell yeah. Well, maybe not favorite, but they’re really close to the top for me.
Peanut butter Hershey’s Kisses are also awesome.
*feels left out*
I hate chocolate.
I didn’t even know that was possible.
Get really bad sick on it and I promise it will happen.
*shudders*
If John eats it and is all like ‘Give me a kiss!’ I say ‘Brush your teeth and it’s on.”
I would have teeth whiter than this town then, Capt.
And I live in Concord.
When people start raving about chocolate I feel like a Jew at Christmas. I just don’t get it.
Well, it takes all kinds. Even freaks like you, Cpt.
Thank you?
Well if you really want to know how much of a freak I am I’ll tell you I hate ketchup, syrup, and mustard.
@Tyler That’s sweet
So long as you like nuts, Captain, I won’t declare you a space alien!
Peanut Butter Cups are the best…all other peanut butter/chocolate combinations are simply a substitute for me.
Is it just me, or are the miniature Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups somehow even better than full-size ones?
Sadly, I wouldn’t know.. *sniff*
If I were a rich woman, I’d buy a bag, pack ‘em in dry ice, and FedEx them to you, Eddie.
Thanks, Diss.. the sentiment is duly noted. Lawn privileges have been granted
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My mom used to send us care packages and would ask what do need. The first thing on the list was Reese’s.. she would go to Sam’s Club and buy the big box.. Man I miss those packages..
I buy those for myself. 40oz of a giant Reese’s bag for the weekend. Miniatures= delicious.
Yes! I think they are. Tiny little cups of goodness.
Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups.. frozen.. only problem is, I can’t get them here. In fact, most of the stuff they have there you can’t get down here.
No peanut butter cups???? I dunno, man, that’d be a deal breaker for me as far as moving to Australia goes.
There is a shop that specializes in food from the U.S., but it’s two damn expensive. Everything is like 3 times what you would pay there. Even with the current exchange rate, that’s robbery. For example, one can of Dr. Pepper will cost you over $3.00.. it just isn’t worth it.
That’s like getting snacks at the airport.
Just pretend you’re at a baseball game, and everything will seem normal as you get ripped off.
no reeses and HUGE effing spiders. count me out. sorry eds.
You don’t know what your missing! The spiders are manageable, but yeah, no Reese’s sucks..
Hey, spiders? I raise exotic spiders! send me some!
“DINGDINGDINGDINGDING! Yes, the correct answer is ‘Strategic Incompetence’!”
._.
Like complaining about the cost of sausages ?
LOL
this is a god one. And with so many guys to a single shopping list, it’s still a problem finding all the things she wrote!
“good one” damn it
Er Vlad, if you want proper sausages, you need the deli aisle, not cold meats. (I’ve no idea why he’d be there, but I’m pretty sure that’s a British supermarket.)
I like the vein-ny ones better.
G-d dammit can you read my wife’s writing? Does it say little or lite weiners?
Dammit, Vlad, it says lite weiners. When she wants you to buy little weiners it just says “Vlad’s weiners.”
….and finally the canned ham, yep see they are all here. See boys, I told you if we lay low with the Communist thing long enough we would eventually, get proccessed meat.
OOHH NOOO……….. this is what Lenin meant by capitalist pigs.
lol! You are what you eat!
Putin is endlessly amusing
SEXIIIIISSSSSTTTT!!!
Well, yeah. Your point?
While I like my husband to come home with the sausage, this wouldn’t be what I have in mind. Poor Mrs. Putin.
What KIND of sausage, Aoife?
Snausages.
At least it’s not tampons.
“Please to be explaining… why are there seven kinds of hamburger? Seven! Damn capitalist store!”
“I do not see why they have all zis meat pre-keeled. I like mine freeessshhh…. -evil grin-”
“What is difference between ground round and ground chuck? It all dead cow!! We just want burgers, dammit!!”
I’m guessing when they ask Putin how much a gallon of milk costs, he knows to the penny!
i can see him being the guy who knows exactly how much every item he’s buying costs and when it rings up the wrong price he throws a fit with the high school kid ringing him up. either that, or he’s got a coupon for EVERYTHING and won’t buy it unless he’s got a coupon.
My Dad adds up the bill tax and all and tells the cashier what the bill will be before they even finish. It’s hilarious. He’s super smart… too bad I didn’t get that part of his genes.
i have a friend who does that. she’s blind though, so she has to stay really on top of things so that she doesn’t get ripped off badly. there’ve been times when people try to charge her double for things thinking she won’t notice. people are scum, aren’t they?
she’s awesome though. she does computer work for nasa. a blind chick is doing the computer programming for space ships… cool, huh?
And I just lost a little less faith in humanity. People are sh*t sometimes.
*more* not less. That makes no sense what I just wrote.
Jane, it’s kinda early for teh hootch, dontcha think?
*furtively hides stash* What? I… I don’t know what you’re talking about. You don’t know me! You don’t know my life!
Now, now, lil’ Janie, we’re all friends here…
*yoinks hootch and guzzles while doin’ the full-tilt boogie*
Damn you! Damn you to hell!
BOOZE! Not just for breakfast anymore.
win.
With Bacon Flavored Vodka it’s really for breakfast.
Ah, the ONLY thing on earth that bacon doesn’t make better. Vodka. But that’s really just fine on it’s own anyway. It doesn’t need bacon.
Definitely. I threw up a little in my mouth when I saw the people drinking it. It’s made with Bacon Fat.
*retches*
Okay, I’m done talking about it.
ROFLMAO Linkie-thingie!
Chocolate Bacon Martini. I’ll be right back guys.
*runs to the bathroom to throw up a lung*
I’m with you on that one, Cap’t…I actually gagged a little reading that.
Yeah… Everyone knows it should be fudge, not chocolate.
Okay, I feel kinda queasy now after reading that.
i knew what you were saying. she’s taken to asking for specific stock boys to walk her through the store because she knows they’ll tell her where the things actually are and tell her the actual prices.
NASA? Way cool!
Actually, there was an article about this event on Walla.co.il. Putin decided to show his concern for the general public, so he came to the grocery store with some media people and started yelling at the manager for charging absurd prices for sausages… That must’ve been scary .______.
Conversation overheard at Grocery store following Putin’s visit:
Stockboy: “Has anyone seen the manager?”
Cashier: “He was in Aisle 6 arguing with Mr. Putin.”
Overhead: “Clean-up on Aisle 6…I repeat…clean-up on aisle 6…and does anyone know how to get brains and blood off the cereal boxes?”
Gonna have to mark those down as “damaged”….
Or just call it the Manager’s Special.
Big Daddy FTW!
“There’s cerebellum on this box! Ewwwww!!”
“Shut up. The cereal inside is still good. They knocked 50 cents off the price, dammit.”
Extra protein.
That’s what I told your girlfriend last night too.
So you dig sloppy seconds, eh?
No, Deep, he digs Terrible Thirds.
I dig the Sloppy Seconds.
That’s what she said, but Tyler wasn’t done yet.
I’d have shit my pants. Yeah. Def.
I may have missed this comment somewhere, but the caption makes me think that Putin is shopping out of a Russian bride catalogue…….which is ironic in its own way, because I guess he would just call it a bride catalogue.
Yeah, kind of like people in Brazil call Brazil Nuts just….. nuts.
Weird. I didn’t know “nuts” was Portuguese for “nuts”.
You got me there!
putins motherland burgers
1lb of ground beef
1 egg
1/4 cup of oat meal
1 dash of lea & perrins
1 cup of children’s tears fresh
and ranch dressing mix for flavor
mix all the ingredients and serve your choice with polonium-210 for your enemies or yam fries and for a drink vodka mixed in with the blood of your enemy
*But where is the blood?*
It’s bacon…
BOOOOOO!!!! ::throws produce at DT::
You suck!