*offers pepto… runs in a zigzag formation*

Now the mannequin… *pokes out mind’s eye*

*calls priest for last rites*

By the by, good work! That code is easy to remember (when I’m sober, mind you) and always makes it past the filtration system. It’s a little more work, but totally worth in

Instructional link included. I suck at sucking.

Incidentally, if you want to embed links, here’s the coding. Just remove the spaces indicated.

These words will turn blue (remove spaces here)

These words will turn blue

Here’s an amazing one I HAD to post in its entirety (it was emailed to me awhile back) that epitomizes desperation…

To the woman that crapped in my car. (NE Portland)

We met on Craigslist so I am hoping that this post finds you. I know that it could quite possibly be the most humiliating first date that you have ever been on, but I am willing to look past that.

I thought we had chemistry sitting at McMenamins sharing that basket of Cajun Tots while drinking the Terminator Stout. I really felt like there was a connection there. I found you to be intelligent and witty and looked forward to further conversation with you.

At some point in life, everyone has gambled on a fart and lost. It just happened to be on a first date in the passenger seat of my car. Please don’t feel bad. The package I sent you with Pepto the next day and the note that said “First dates are always a crap shoot. Call me” was meant to be funny, not offensive.

I have gambled on a fart and lost on multiple occasions. The first time I did it was very memorable. It happened when I was five and sitting on my uncle’s lap. I am lactose intolerant, but love cheese. I probably win 95% of the time, but I don’t think anyone wins 100% of the time. That’s why they call it “gambling”. I’m the last person to judge you for crapping your pants. In fact, I am impressed by your boldness. The timing on the other hand, could have been a tad bit better…like when you’re not sitting on a heated leather seat…

What I am trying to say is that if you want to go out again, I would be more than happy to take you someplace where we can get a meal that is high in fiber and less taxing on the digestive tract.

I await your call,
Stout

P.S. – If you shat yourself on purpose to end the evening early. Touché.

He should hook up with this dude!

I’m getting more the sense that when he moves out it’s going something like this:
{http://www.yousuckatcraigslist.com/?p=2683}

He’s ignoring me because I wanna make pron with his sister

Wait, did Eric say his 29-year-old brother still lives at home?

No, seriously, you’re right. I had a kid of my own when I was 17.
I’ve been taking care of my girl her whole life.

(If it wasn’t for George Costanza’s parents, I’d never have kept watching Seinfeld long enough to start enjoying it.)

Don’t you say that. Don’t you ever say that. Stay immature. Stay immature as long as you can! For the love of God, cherish it! You have to cherish it!