The only two things to survive a nuclear war:
Cockroaches and Douchebags
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The only two things to survive a nuclear war
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They shall not pass.
Douchebag? I don’t see the obamanation in that photo, hmmm…
The picture is you, right?
just what we need, another religious zealot with a gun… on a segway no less
Which religion? Muslim? Buddhism? Oooh, maybe you’re a Mormon, how exciting!
Yeah but we did see you, nice shorts…
OMG, ur like totally funny! I bet ur just like Jesus who loved his AR-15 too! My favorite quote of Jesus’ is when he talks about how god loves his deciples because they kill every living thing they see and keep heaven supplied with fresh souls. Or how about that part in the bible when Jesus gets into a kung-fu fight with Budda and kicks his ass then pulls out his custom Springfield Armory 1911 with ivory grips made and blows his head off! I love that part!
JESUS IS F-ING METAL BABY!
And Jesus said “LET THERE BE ROCK”, and there was rock. and lo, it was good.
\m/
And Moses commanded “SHOW ME YOUR MOVES!”
And the Red Sea showed Moses its moves, allowing the slaves to cross to safety.
Church of the Falcon, Eccelesties 24:50
And Jesus answered thusly, “It is this: Be Cool, and Get Laid.”
And the Lord said, “Playest that funky music, white boy,” and lo, the white boys laid downst the boogie, and played that funky music until they died. And the Lord was pleased.
I would lay aside my Agnosticism and convert to this religion.
One of the raddest mini threads i’ve seen on PK, ever.
WIN!
Chapter 2:
And lo, there was much dancing and prancing and grooving to the music. And thenst did the Lord hit them and they shouted “Got to keep on playin funky music!!!!” And lo the Lord was again pleased.
you should have just let it go
*grumble* Okay, now the trolls are starting to get old.
At least we wont have problems staying off their troll lawns.
Segways are a new level of douchebaggery.
For real. there is just no way to look anything other than silly on one. Fercrissake…WALK, douche!
or douche while you segway?
on a side note, i heard the guy who had come up with the segway was working on a jump pack sort of thing that would let us troops literally jump like 3 stories high. now, that’d be alot of fun, well… ‘cept for the landing bit.
well, no they can’t hold guns, but you can glue a roach to a gun, that count?
Is a deuchbag from Germany?
Deuchbag is German for “David Hasselhoff”
Excuse me, vat ve prefer is to call him Zee Hoff!
*snerk*
*wipes liquid off monitor*
ROTFLMAO epic win!!!
Buahahaha! Brilliant. Made me spew water. Brava!
SB, have you seen “Eurotrip”? Best part of that movie was seeing the Hoff singing in the background of the guy’s fantasy with his girlfriend……….:-D
OMG I haven’t seen it! I love cameos from The Hoff!
That’s it, I’m renting it later.
Just remember these words as you watch the movie: “Escusi, ‘scusi!” You’ll know what I mean
I freaking love that movie! Hey, this isn’t where I parked my car!
*opens up the door to Froo’s train compartment*
Bonjourno!
Max, I think you have something on your boob…….no, not there…..I think it’s under your top……that’s it, keep rubbing…..you’ve almost got it………
Needs more saliva… definately..
Off topic, but you know what movie I just saw that is now one of my favorites? “Secretary” with James Spader and Maggie Gyllenhaal. Who knew a sub-dom relationship could turn out to be such an epic love story.
Amazing movie! I love the red pen.
Looking silly I can live with, but this douchebag is trundling along in the middle of the road while texting. I can only hope he was later run over by a truck transporting pigs.
Swines. With the flu.
alas, tis true. I hope I die before Mike Judge’s prophesy of an Idiocracy comes to pass
Too late. See previous administration.
Yeah, no. Not the premise at all, but thanks for playing.
I know, I know. I was kidding. Bad attempt at a funny. However, we’re on our way to an Idiocracy. I see evidence of it every day.
Boy howdy.
If you don’t smoke Tarryltons, fu(k you!
It won’t actually happen. There is the flynn effect, which means IQ scores have a tendency to increase over generations. Lynn and Vanhanen wrote a book on how the world IQ is going down, but looking at their research it’s…sketchy, particularly their ways of determining the average IQ where study info was not available.
Sure people do really stupid sh!t, but we’ve basically domesticated ourselves…your dog or cat does some really dumb stuff now and again doesn’t it? Well it’s pretty much the same thing.
We’re not going to kill ourselves off with stupid. we have too much of a drive to survive and push forward.
we’re going to kill ourselves because of our ability to be intelligent enough to make world destroying weapons, but not have sense enough to know we shouldn’t have made them in the first place.
that one I’ll give you >.>
but i am hoping globalization does eventually lead us to accepting our species as one group, you know before we kill our species off.
Not bloody likely. There are humans who still refuse to accept that we ARE a species, ffs…they seem to think we’re somehow “outside” the rules and categorization of nature, and as such aren’t obligated to improve our own genepool (“abortion is baaaaad, mmkay?”) or maintain any sort of balance between our creations and our environment (suburban sprawl, anyone?).
As long as those fools are allowed to reproduce, nothing can improve.
there are few animals that actually do try and create a balance between themselves and their environment, normally they don’t stay in significant groups that nature doesn’t noticeably balance itself, but that is why many creatures starve when their numbers are too great. they don’t have the sense to balance it all out and thus they die.
Nothing is obligated to improve the gene pool, in fact there are cases where babies with anomalies are killed, even if that may have been evolutionarily advantageous, the goal is to keep your dna in the gene pool, So those “stupid people” that are reproducing more and faster would be winning that little competition.
It still doesn’t much matter, the more material to work with, the higher the chance of evolution working out in our favor.
Evolution is somewhat random–the only directionality may be due to whatever environmental forces are in effect at the time.
That given. “Ma’am? I think it is time to dredge your gene pool.”
viva diversity!
Except that (1) IQ test results are normalized every ten years to keep the numbers from rising, (2) they don’t actually measure anything to begin with, and (3) stupid people reproduce faster and more quickly.
“faster and more quickly”
especially in the department of redundancy department.
Where is the DoRD?? We have a situation.
Maybe this means they have worse sechs, and conceive more frequently?
Ha! I love this one
Great! Eh, can you explain it to me? Why do people think he’s a d-bag?
Um, he’s texting, on a Segway, in the middle of the road, with a brushfire behind him.
The only way he could be _more_ of a douchebag is if he was Spencer Pratt.
He’s not in the middle of the road. What could he possibly do about a brushfire but go the opposite direction?
Texting on a segway, though… ouch.
He’s far enough from the curb to obstruct traffic somewhat, which pus him figuratively in the middle of the road.
You, sir, are sucking my will to live.
FTW!
HA HA HA SPENCER PRATT
Aaaaggghhh I’m still laughing
I read an article in Playboy last night……….yeah yeah, I know…..anyway, it was Spencer Pratt “interviewing” Heidi Whatserface.
I have never wanted to kill two people as much as I wanted to kill the two of them after reading that article. Preferably slowly. With a pencil. Or a large piece of foam rubber.
How did you survive it?!?!?
I will totally help you kill Speidi. You pretend to be the paparazzi and distract them with flash photography and I’ll suffocate Heidi with her own purse, then you bludgeon Spencer with your camera.
But perhaps I’ve said too much.
Not only am I now dumber for having read that article, but I think I’m about to renounce Christianity as a whole after hearing Heidi talk about her and Spencer’s “love life” in the same breath as talking about her relationship with Jesus. Totally made Jesus come off as a creepy sex stalker…..
*vomits*
I feel your pain.
I watched a show about their wedding.
*vomits*
Hold me, SB! I dont’ know if I can take the thoughts going through my head!
*holds froo and weeps*
Make it stop, make it stop!
link
That’s pretty much exactly how I felt after that article. Blegh.
The worst part is, Spencer reminds me so much of the previously aforementioned Chad from my past.
I’m going to go shoot myself now……
Was your chad hanging inappropriately or preggers?
Oh, he was very inappropriately hung. To the point that I’m not sure why or how his voice changed at puberty.
And for the record, I’d love it if he was a pregnant Chad. Then he could be all miserable and then try to squeeze a basketball out of a hole the size of a pea. That would make me very happy indeed………*ebil laughter*
So… as a satisfied voter did you punch The Chad completely out as a result? Or was it… the eggs?
*massive snerk*
You know what, God? You’re a mean drunk.
*goes to call the Archangel Michael to take God’s drunk Ass home*
I blame Deep Thought’s bad influence, general redneck fu(kery, and a titch of PBR.
*froohuggles*
42, God, 42. DAMMIT! You are NOT ALLOWED to huggle the frooAss!! I don’t care if you are the Almighty!
*accepts Michael’s ride*
Wait, whut?
*huggles the froobubz*
It’s not the frooass, so whut? WHAT? Wanna go?
*sends wishes for quik & ez babehshootin’*
Teh FrooBubz ™ are too sore to touch right now, so HANDS OFF!!! If the hubby can’t touch, neither can God!
And *whimper* about the babyshootin……..I’m so tired of this.
*empathy*
When your button pops, the muffin’s fully cooked. Until then, you haven’t completed your mission, mah child
It’s a task of Jobian proportions, particularly given your geographic locale. IYour sacrifice has not gone unappreciated!
*admires teh froobubz from afar*
Being pregnant in the summer in Texas should be illegal *sulks*
As if you want STILL more government intervention in your life
Or would you prefer I make it biologically impossible?
And tonight, the answer is 69. Or 96, depending.
*put emPHASIS on the wrong WuRd*
God needs a lift home with his wingman DT: do y’all libs got room for a giant alien supercomputer and the supreme being in your Priux?
*plural of Prius?* lol!
I want a Segway. I want to escape a nuclear attack.
I’m waiting for the zombies to jump out and eat him…..
Exactly! He is soooo not prepared for the Zombie Apocalypse.
I could see this in a zombie comedy…where you kind of cheer on the zombies because humans are such douche bags. Go zombie! Nom Nom Nom BRAINS!
This guy wouldn’t be so much as an appetizer.
Lets get together Pfwibble and make it happen! I have had in my mind an idea for an end-o-teh-world type of story where the ending makes you say “Yeah, it’s better that way”
Heh! That would be awesome. I’ve always sympathized with the zombies anyway…and a movie specifically geared towards that would make my day.
Have you ever seen a zombie on a segway? Well?? Uh-huh!
I rest my case.
It’s tired.
WTF are you talking about “zombie on a segway”?
Nesting fail.
Grrrr…
Zombie on a segway? The image I was going for was the zombie eating the dude on the segway… perhaps I wasn’t clear. Oh well…I have to agree that I can’t say I’ve seen a zombie on a segway… but I don’t believe I’ve actually seen a zombie either.
This was during the fires in Southern California last year.
The palm trees seemed to have survived too, so that’s 3 things. Safest place to be in a nukular attack.
and twinkie factories yuuuuuummmmmmmmmmmm
The factories may not survive but the Twinkies themselves sure will. And will feed the zombies for 10,000 years after all the douchebags have been consumed by the walking dead.
Just out of curiosity, has anyone ever considered what would happen to the zombie population if there were no more victims? Would they turn on each other? Would they become super zombies?
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Oh hell, I just freaked myself out with that thought, man!
I have wondered that. Also, if deprived of their food source (either by the decimation of the entire human race or humanity surviving behind barricades) at what point does natural decomposition render the zombies immobile? I mean, it’s kind of hard to nom brains when your jaw has fallen off.
The thought of zombies evolving scares the bejeezus out of me.. Let the sleepless nights ensue!
Play Halo. Evolving super zombies that create their own central controlling mind is pretty creepy…and a good way to ruin a good video game franchise.
And now we have the difinitive guide on How To Beat Zombies!
Read the Zombie Survival Guide by Max Brooks. Apart from giving survival tips and strategies in a disturbingly analytical manner, it’s pretty freakin hilarious. All of the above questions are answered in the book
Mmm… warm glowing twinkies — healthier for you than these beauties, which I have actually made!
OMG, you actually made that food abomination. My cholestrol went up just looking at the picture. But really, were they any good? The bad stuff usually is…sigh
Manna. And I’m not a sweet eater, ordinarily!
I’m gonna vomit now. Just a warning.
ever try putting whipped cream in a twinkie? it’s fun and delicious.
Now I’m going into hypoglycemic shock. *passes out*
Ever tried the deep-fried Oreos? Far better than I expected. The process does very nice things for the cookie’s texture.
you dipped them in pancake batter first, right? cuz that’s the BEST way to deep fry oreos. you can do snickers and other chocolate bars that way too…
Pancake batter? Blasphemy!
Properly made fried oreos are dipped in funnel cake batter!
I like them in soda-water batter. Super light and delish.
*Homer droll*
Yessss.. I know…. *heart implodes*
Deep-frying makes the texture of everything better, except one’s own thighs.
Deep fried thighs?
I think I’d rather eat you raw actually.
Meow!
purrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
Y’all forgot about Starbucks. The douchebags have to get their frappucino’s from somewhere :V
Keith Richards will of course live through a nuclear war.
Keef will make it rock.
Now I’m wondering…is Keith Richards a zombie? It would explain a LOT!
Of course he is! How do explain him falling out of a coconut tree and no brain damage..
I’m thinking he has every thing replaced every decade or so: blood, major organs, etc.
I’m pretty sure him and Iggy Pop are the beginnings of the zombie uprising.
Anyone else go straight to Gob in their minds? Illusion Michael, a trick is what a whore does for money!
…or candy!
I’m guessing that that guy is texting someone to say “iv made a huge mistake. CALL ME 911!!!1″
Hey. I think that’s my ex-husband . . . and ‘douchebag’ doesn’t half cover it.
an teh twinkie factories’s …….yuuuuuummmmmmiezzzzzzzzzz
I feel much better knowing techno nerd will survive. Could’ve been Bubba.
I’ve seen this pic before. I think that’s Arnold Schwarzenegger on his Segway…
On the bright side. The government worshiping fools like the guy that made the caption for this pic will be dead. I can’t wait.