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AND THE DARWIN AWARD GOES TO
The idiot swinging a hammer at an unexploded ordnance.
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If I had a hammer…
I’d hammer in the morning…
I’d hammer in the…*BOOOOOMMM!!!*
….or not.
Ironically, later in the song, the lyrics says:
I’d hammer out danger
I’d hammer out a warning
I think its applicable.
Word.
Can we sing Kumbombya too?
*pulls out guitar and plays badly*
Someone’s explodin’, lord…
You’re both blowing this way out of proportion.
Are you trying to ignite a controversy?
Are you detonating that I have an explosive temper?
No baby, I think you’re dynamite!
Well this conversation has just blown up in somebody’s face.
I’d hammer out love between,
My brother and my sister,
Awawall over this land!
It’d be hamma time!!!!!
You’re new, right? You might want to pick a different name. That one’s got some….connotations for the regulars. Not good ones.
word
Soooooo glad I missed all that.
Considering changing my own name actually…. AC is so boring…
He has to die to get a DA. Well, if he maims himself to the point of not being able to reproduce he can get an honorary DA for removing himself from the gene pool, but to get a DA you have to die. Did he die?
You———————The point
Besides, you get an honorary DA for being spectacularly stupid, You get a DA for removing yourself from the gene pool. That is why they are called the Darwin Awards, not the Funny Death awards.
Technically you get an Honourable Mention for for spectacular stupidity that should have resulted in death and didn’t (and possibly for death after reproduction, but I can’t think of a case off-hand).
A DA is awarded for “removing yourself from the gene pool in a spectacularly stupid and funny way”. Living Darwins are rare but do happen (normally involving involuntary castration).
Note that the bomb is in his crotch. Even the smallest explosion will probably render him ineligible to reproduce, thus eligible for the Darwin award.
Or, if he swings and misses with the hammer he could potentially “crotch” himself; thus, rendering the gene pool safe for swimming again…
Ow!
He’s already lost both legs below the knee. Glutton for punishment.
“It’s only a flesh wound.”
None shall pass!
Have at you!
Gesundheit!
I’ll bite your legs off!
If you kill yourself *after* you’ve reproduced, you don’t get a DA either, because you haven’t removed yourself from the gene pool.
Did you have your sense of humor removed?
was it stolen like bitter troll’s kidney?
wake up in a bed of ice with a note saying they stole your sense of humor pinned to your nipple?
See, I’ve always known the story about the guy waking up in a bathtub full of ice with a missing kidney was an urban legend — Seriously, when have you ever stayed at a hotel where the ice machines were functioning well enough to fill a bathtub?
well with all the money they are makeing off my kidneys..yes they took both…im feeling woozy…anyways..they can stop at happy mart and pick up a few bags
Nope. Not buying it. Now, if you woke up in a tub full of wee tiny toiletries, overpriced minibar items, and last month’s HBO guide….
But wouldn’t you be dead?? Personally, I’d, at the very least, pass out from seeing the price on the $7.00 KitKat.
If they took both kidneys, you wouldn’t be posting anymore.
ok ok…sorry folks viking gal MURDERED the joke…pack it up and go home
Will you be needing a bellcaptain for your luggage, sir?
a what? no…dont be silly, now fetch me a luggage carry person with one of those rolling bronze luggage things
well it was full both with ice and the bitter troll. should of only of taken a bucket or two.
Why does everyone know that story?
…. And the one about the crazy guy sitting on top of the woman’s car and eating her fiance.
Urban Legends are funny things…
Yes, ok well enough that we could fill the tub with a mixture of (full) beer cans and ice anyway.
Lucky! It doesn’t seem to matter if I’m at a cheapo place or a nice high-end hotel, my experiences with ice machines are uniformly depressing. It usually either involves an “out of order” sign or the experience of pushing the button, creating loud, protracted mechanical sounds and, if I’m lucky, enough ice to make a little layer in the bottom of the ice bucket. I may just be an ice-machine jinx or something, though.
OK, when I first read that I thought you were saying your sense of humor was pinned to your nipple.
“Did he died?”
they put him on a empty open place if did.
Stop! HAMMA TIME!!!!
i laughed so hard that i got a little piece of spicy chicken sandwich out my nose.
thanks!
Have you ever noticed that going down is ok, but when something you’re eating comes back up it’s always painful as hell? Have you ever stopped to wonder why that is? Having said that, chicken making an exit via the nose has to be excruciatingly painful!
Especially those Spicy Chicken Sandwiches!!
That would burn for a while.
it did. however, i think it helped clear out my sinuses a little bit.
finding optimism in little situations, right?
We always knew you were a ‘glass half full’ type of person!
ya but full george taki’s urine
Ewwww! Now I have no appetite for dinner… Blech!
I’m neither “glass half full” or “glass half empty”, I’m more of a “OI!!! My bloody glass is nearly empty. Someone get me a drink”
And I’m a “My glass is 100% over-engineered for its current contents”.
I find it pretty painful to eat through the nose as well…
Famous last words: “Hey guys, watch this!”
‘Round these parts we say, “Hold my beer, Momma. Watch this!”
Even better!
thou i think it should be re-captioned, since we all know darwin was wrong, since man and dinos once walked the earth togther
Another famous last quote: “What’s this thing do?”
Shortly after someone says, “What’s this thing do?”
*EPIC EXPLOSION*
The idiot’s ghost says, “COOL!”
Another last quote: “Gimme that! I’ll show you how it’s done!”
” dont worry, im Obviously a professional, im wearing a helmut”
“Betcha you can’t do that!” “Oh, yes I certainly can!!” *boom*
One of the funniest things I’ve ever personally witnessed was preceded by the comment “You know, there’s a right way to pick up a crab…like this –”
“Hey! Lookie what I can do!”
I had a great-great uncle whose last words were a rendition of “Is this the way to Amarillo?”
Apparently he was joking with a nurse while dying of bronchitis.
They played the song at his funeral too…
All I can think of is old Bugs Bunny episodes.
“These blockbuster bombs don’t go off unless you hit them juuuuuuuuust right.”
psssssst Doctor..obviously who ever posted this is not part of the darwin awards commited.
It was just a joke to make people laugh…lighten up.
Oh and does this look infected to you?
Looks like Doc has a broken humerus …
Tibia honest, I’d kinda suspected that.
Ulna(t) be taking part in this run.
*looks down*
DAMN!!
*looks at brak sternumly*
I’m surprised that someone hasn’t said they have a bone to pick with your attitude.
Ahh….I expected to take a ribbing for that one.
He shouldn’t have been so pisiform!
“Sacrum Bleu!!!”
He was awfully sternum about it.
This numbskull’s a dying breed – he belongs in thoracic park.
But he doesn’t need to be a coccyx about it.
*brak decides not to take the low road and not even MENTION the obvious,”He sure pulled a boner that time” cheap one.*
*looks down*
DAMN!!!!!
*pittypat tries to work and not join the punrun*
(ossify had any control whatsoever)
Know what you mean….I think we’re jointly addicted.
I hope so, or “hazing the new guy in the platoon” has gotten way out of hand.
Oh, your comment made my day.
Things have sure changed in the last 35 years.. And to think we used to have the FNG scrub the toilet with a toothbrush.
Naw, this guy’s wearing jeans it looks like. But he absolutly must be a pro b/c he has a helmet.
maybe a pro plumber…
-LA GASP!-
that must be what happened to Joe the illegal plumber!
swing harder joe swing harder!
Maybe a plumber. It’s kind of hard to tell if you can’t see him from behind. The “plumber’s crack” is always a dead giveaway.
hmmm true, would be helpful if he showed us some ass cleavage
On second thought, never mind. I don’t want to know. Some things just aren’t worth it.
fine, but bitter troll will try to throw pennies into it, cold cold pennies
Now that might be worth it to see. Maybe. Nope, still not.
-hands mina a few firecrackers-
*takes firecrackers & pulls out zippo*
And suddenly it’s worth it.
bitter troll still has alot left over since the 4th-nods- let bitter troll get his bottle rockets
Bottle Rockets? See, I told my friends that being a pyro could be loads of fun.
they didnt believe you? shame on them!
well, they aren’t close friends, so they haven’t seen the funness in action.
-lifts up a roman candle- ooooh
It’s… so… beautiful!
we have to save this till charro comes on, sorry, but this to lovely to use before she arrives
Okely Dokely!
but till then lets stick bottle rockets in his crack and light them off….upside down-grins-
My eyesight isn’t what it used to be (smacked too many things with hammers/no safety goggles), but why is it obvious the dude’s a professional?
Must be the jeans.. you know those pro’s have no regard for proper attire.
It’s the helmet, of course.
You are absolutely right. Only a professional would swing a hammer like that.
It is worth noting that these kind of Darwins may be removed from contention from Darwin awards. Many adults and childeren are hurt or killed farming for metal so they can actually eat and survive. Things like that are all too common in very poor countires where unexploded bombs are like gold.
Very true. However, it takes a special kind of stupid to hit said unexploded bomb with a hammer. Correct me if I’m wrong, but I doubt that is part of the gathering procedure.
Not to mention, I doubt that those farming for metal have new-looking protective vests available for their use.
Ahem, let us not forget Newton’s 4th law of motion “an object not in a proper functioning state may be restored to such a state through the utilization of such objects as bailing wire, duct tape, hammers and season 1 of Macgyver.”
Come on, dude, it’s physics.
You mean like Belgium? Seriously, the place I’ve heard of most people being killed by attempting to get salvage from UX ordnance is Belgians trying to strip drive bands off WW1 shells.
Technically you get an Honourable Mention for for spectacular stupidity that should have resulted in death and didn’t (and possibly for death after reproduction, but I can’t think of a case off-hand).
it’s funny that you assume it’s even an explosive. This entire post is retarded. Darwin Award goes to the idiot that assumes too much and made this.
You guys just CRACK me up…I love obsessive-compulsive punification.
So this is where all of the liberal hell bound idiots go to share their idealism and make fun of people that have gone further and done more than they ever will in their pathetic Whole Foods, bicycle riding, hybrid lives.. wow..