Cocaine: if it’s not on the board it’s not a sin
(A religious protester)
You gotta love messing with these guys
Picture by: dunno source Caption by: new_lizard via Our LOL Builder
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And Mormons!
As I understand it, a lot of the more fundamentalist Christians think of the LDS church as being a cult, and they’re annoyed that they came out with another sequel. I don’t know if they’ve ever asked the Jews how they feel about the first sequel, though.
So true.
Cognitive dissonance ftw?
I know its kept me feeling like a good person before.
The Guy looks like Nick Jonas!
I’m still waiting for someone to discover a disclaimer to the Bible. Something along the lines of “Events in this book are not based on actual events. Any resemblence to any real person or event is purley coincidental.”
*steps back and waits for lightening*
Witches!!!?? How about crazy, little repressed kids. With bad haircuts?
OMG, I didn’t notice that. Now I’m up to 6 reasons that I’m going to hell. I can’t keep track of all this crap.
If one is enough, why bother keeping track of them all?
Good point. *throws list out of window*
I have 3 on my own list…but then started thinking, I kinda like lewd and rebellious women…do I add those to my list too then?
*crumples list and recycles it like this crappy LoL*
According to this sign, I’m pretty much doomed. Shall I save you a seat?
Wait, you mean it means the ‘lewd and rebellious women“? I misread it the way Steve said. Ooops.
Yep, Mabs, you are coming with us. Sorry.
But I’m sure we can have fun on the way there.
I brought whipped cream!
If I get really literal about I have broken all ten commandments and I don’t really feel that bad about it.
#1,2 and 6 are the only ones I’m clean on. If you count killing animals as murder, then just #1 and 2.
Damn.
Murder’s the only one I’ve not done. Ah well.
Wait, I am sure I haven’t worshiped any gods above God (null set) nor any idols and no adultery nor murder. So I’m good on at least four. Yay! I’m in the lead! *jumps up and down*
billy troll worshiped billy idol in the 80′s
I take the Thou Shalt not Kill litterally. Doesn’t specify what I can and cannot kill. *smashes fly dead* Broke it again.
Eminently logical, default. Hmmm…I”m down to three.
Oh, and you have to play with semantics for adultery. Adultery is sex with someone you aren’t married to, if you have sex and aren’t married to anyone it’s still adultery.
Now I have to disagree with this. The OED (Oxford English Dictionary) and Webster’s both say it means a married person having sex with someone other than his/her spouse. As an English geek, I have to go with the OED. (True indication of being an English geek: owning the condensed OED.
)
Yeah, I think I’m pretty good on 4 of them. No adultery, murdering, putting other gods before God, and no idolatry (at least I don’t think so). Not really sure what “bear false witness means” but I’ve probably done it.
Rando has you ever lied to a bear?
Does it count as adultery if you aren’t married, but your partner’s divorce isn’t yet finalized? (papers filed, though–vg isn’t stupid!!)
Depends if you’re shagging.
‘Fraid so. I don’t think the god of the Old Testament was real big on technicalities.
*Glares at Mabs and pulls out unabridged OED, opens up to the appropriate page, pulls out magnifying glass and begins reading. Pops head back up ten minutes later* You win this one English geek! But I’ll be back! I’LL BE BACK! *cackles evilly and disappears into the night*
A real English geek would have been sucked into the OED for days.
Woo hoo–I made it to 7!
I’m just a librarian in training, not an English Geek. As such I need an unabridged OED for reference purposes but also need the ability to put the book down and continue helping the patron with the obscure questions.
I’m driving!
I’m on a boat!
I’m swimming!
What you mean to say is ZOMG I’M DRIVING!!1!
*texts Captain Wow*
ZOMG Rando’s driving!
I’m a “Sports Nut” and a “Smoking Pot Little Devil”. which ones are you going to hell for?
Bad part is I was voting a little while ago and saw it come up a couple more times. I’m all for recylcing but this is getting a bit ridiculous, donchathink?
OMG PK IS FORCING US TO GO GREEN!!!!1!!1!11!
PK IS IN THE POCKET OF AL GORE AND HIS INSANE ” dont burn tires in your backyard” INSANITY!!! THE LIBERAL AGENDA IS CLEAR!!!! WE DONT WANT THIS TAUGHT IN OUR SCHOOLS!!
cause just like poke’mon
GOTTA CATCH THEM ALL!
Wow, I think I only fall under two of those categories. Unless this kid counts Satanists as witches, in which case I am up to 3.
Aw, screw it, I’m going to Hell anyway. I already made reservations
Actually, according to this kid, I probably qualify for at least 8 of these things.
Keep trying. I’m sure you can hit them all if you try.
Yes, but keep in mind that I am not old enough to legally accomplish some of these things, such as the drinking part.
Underage drinking probably gets you two sins at once.
Totally. Double the points for underage drinking! Oh, I guess that means I’m at 13 afterall, without having to convert to Mormonism! Woohoo!
Do you think that if your count is an even number, they cancel each other out. So underage drinking puts you back at even, but Charro’s 13 has her still going to hell.
Thus, Charro if you think that you could handle it, you should try to make it to 14.
But what if the underage drinking was legal at the time? Has a confused.
But I really don’t want to convert to Mormonism. I guess I could always become a homosexual child molester.
lol, i used to live there, until i divorced the preacher’s son
A friend in a church asked me to come with her to her ‘Youth Group’… wherein the preacher handed out a pamphlet with a list of all the things many teens do… and any one of which would send one to Hell!
I was busy checking them off like a grocery list… I missed one, though… 17/18!
Almost a perfect score!
Watching her turn beet red trying to hide her embarrassment was pure Win!
What had you missed? And did you immediately go out and do it?
Misread that as LSD Church. I didn’t know acid users had a church, or a book. *confuses easily*
If there isn’t an LSD church there should be.
Velvet Acid Christ’s Church of Acid
Im’ terrified that exists.
LOL. It’s just an album, Faerie Princess.
That’s too bad
Summary of Mormon History
Become a Church and make new scripture= They scream, bloody murder
Move into Missouri= They say, Let’s kill them
Run away to Utah= They think we’re polygamists
Hold General Conference= Angry Protests Across The Street
What do they have against us? We basically just made a history book on how the Indians came to North America and they freak out. Srsly!
It’s that first one that really pissed them off. After that, you had to assume they would harass you forever.
Mormon history fail!
They THINK we’re polygamists? Srsly?
You WERE polygamists; the only reason you’re not now, is because the Elders decided statehood was worth dropping that little typical-American nausea-inducing-aspect of your religion.
Yes, this practice was one of the reasons Mormons were so disliked in the West. They moved into an area where there were about 10 men for every woman and wanted to marry more than one. This did not go over well.
What are you on about Mabs? That sounds like the perfect situation for polygamy! What? What do you mean the guys wanted the multiple wives? No, no, no, the math is all wrong! It’s the other way around, multiple husbands! Really, things would have worked out much better if they’d just done it that way.
That’s actually called ‘polyandry,’ but I totally agree.
Common misconception. Polygamy is either; it doesn’t imply one particular gender.
If you want to be specific:
Polygyny is multiple wives; polyandry multiple husbands.
Polyandry always made more sense to me sexually.
If you have to build a population quickly, polygyny is the way to go, but on the Big Blue Marble, we don’t have that problem.
*headdesk* OMG. THey’re probably going to come repossess my English degree for that.
I guess it’s because they always use polygamy when they mean polygyny…I know that religions that allowed that did NOT allow polyandry (eg Mormons).
I suppose, though it would be much worse punishment if it were a sociology or anthropology degree. Probably make you do it over, again.
Yeah, talk about unfair, that. Never made sense to me, when one man often has trouble matching ONE woman sexually, let alone a harem. No wonder they’re paranoid about having young healthy males around – they had a lot of unsatisfied women (poor things).
Suppose it wouldn’t be so bad if you and one of your…. co-wives? (what do you call your husbands other wives?) are both lesbians, or at least bi. “No dear, I have a headache, why don’t you spend the night with wife three tonight, number two and I are just going to turn in early.”
Yeah, but not being so, I have to agree with Nao that one man is not sufficient for a harem. Twain actually wrote about this (that the proper ratio should be 50 men for each woman and the age needs to be skewed the opposite of the way it normally is). See why I love Twain?
Oh, YES, now I see why you like Twain! LOL
I dunno about 50 (!) . . . even *I* might have to take on a couple at a time, each time. I mean, average 30 days a month; there are always a few days when I may NOT be in the mood (ya never know–it COULD happen), so if there were 50 . . .
You see what I’m getting at?
The thing I love… and I MAY have my facts mixed up, so anyone who knows fact, please correct if I’m wrong…
The FIRST incarnation of the Book(s) of Mormon were written by Joseph Smith… and so far as I read somewhere his wife (for whatever reason) turfed them into a fire so he had to rememb… err… ‘receive divine instruction from God’ and write them again.
And yeah… we up here in Canada are having our own issues with the whole Polygyny/Polygamy thing.
Seems it’s illegal and all, but no one will go into the town and bust heads.
The first 116 pages were stolen and he never rewrote them
Wife and fire story: Not even vaguely true.
Polygamy: didn’t start until AFTER Mormons had been massacred several times, and had (among their own population) SEVERELY more women than men, mostly widows.
In those days, a Widow had pretty much 3 options: Live in abject poverty, Die in abject poverty, or become a prostitute.
HOWEVER, the church created a system whereby a man could be CALLED (you had to be picked for it, basically. not anybody could do it.) to marry multiple women. Most of the time they were widows who had been previously married, and the men were typically wealthy enough to support multiple wives and children.
It continued because we were being killed off still.
Once it looked like the killing might chill out, we dropped it.
(Seriously though, in Missiouri until the late 70′s, it was legal to shoot Mormons on sight. They dropped the law to show respect to the church on its birthday. I wish I was making this up.)
So there it is! From the mouth of a very skeptical Mormon to your…eyeballs.
*raises hand* Not christian and thinks it’s a cult…. just sayin… not just the christians… thank you *bows*
I don’t know about the wrath of g_d, but most of those groups definitely suck. And cociane is a helluva drug.
Lewd and rebellious women don’t suck. Well, I don’t mean in the literal sense…Oh geez, nevermind. *blush*
I’ve been told I suck well. On more than one occasion.
Mermaids can breath underwater doesn’t that mean….oh my.
*blushes*
Yes, that’s what it means.
you get bitter troll’s seal of approval- gives charro a seal-
Ooh, is it a baby seal? I like to club them and eat them.
-takes the glowsticks away fromt he seal- who has been taking this seal clubbing?
Duh, me. I like clubbing seals. They make me happy. Especially the little goth ones.
Do seals like E?
Only one way to find out *gives Charro’s Bitter Troll’s Seal of Approval a hit of E*
DU, do you have any more of that e? I am heading to the church of LSD later and thought it would be a nice compliment.
No, I just fed it all to the seal.
Ask Charro, she might have some. Or she’ll at least know where to get it.
*reaches into her pocket*
I have plenty of e.
Of course they like E. Who doesn’t like E? Sheesh.
*spews coffee on keyboard*
*points* Charro! She’s contributing to the delinquency of a seal minor now!!
You couldn’t stick with corrupting just humans and bitter trolls?? I couldn’t keep silent about the abuse of cute furry animals. You should have abused a roach and I wouldn’t have said anything.
*sigh*
I guess you can’t win them all.
you have a seal with E minor?
is that a music joke waiting to happen?
You can have my seal of approval too, but I’m going to need a demonstration!
Well, I’m always happy to demonstrate. However, if bitter isn’t ok with it, I’m not liable for any secondary damages.
-oils his bitter chainsaw-
I guess bitter isn’t ok with it.
I took Charro to the mechanic last week . . . he said she blew a seal!
::ba-dum-TISH::?
Goes along with all of that E!
Yow! I’m not totally sure sports nuts belong in the same category with child molesters.
I agree. Just because someone likes sports a lot is no reason to either damn them to hell or group them together with this sort of thing. Since when is being active and being a team player going to send anyone to hell?
According to some religions, anything you do in your free time that exceeds worshipping the lord is a sin. Watching ESPN 100% of your free time, and leaving no room in your life for g_d is what this kid is talking about. Not because you saw a game last week.
On the other hand, any fan of the New York Rangers absolutely deserves to burn forever.
True dat.
y’know, I noticed that too, about it not mentioning child molesting heterosexuals. I thought it might be an error, but…I dono, his sign is pretty specific, so it must be okay.
I first thought it read “Child molesting housemaids” and thought WTF?!
Apparently if you’re straight, child molestation is ok…
Good God I can’t stand these groups.
Oh, but straight people would never molest children!
/sarcasm
Funny to see the only Christian religion named are the Mormons… and in bold type as well.
This guy again? Wow PK, two days of recycled pictures in a row.
There aren’t many new good ones these days. And the new ones we do get are really lame. Not justifying recycling pics, but the selection just sucks.
True. At least this one is funny, even if the picture is recycled. Also, it’s not an EWAsshat, so that makes it even more betterer.
I`ve seen this pic captioned so many times now, and I still get sick to my stomach thinking about all the ate people like this have and how disgusting it is that they use children to further it.
They really fail at the whole “love thy neighbor” and “judge not lest ye be judged first” thing.
Yeah, it is pretty scary. My among my favourites are the “lewd women” and “rebellious women”. What a fukcing crock.
I like lewd and rebellious women too!
luckily, i fall into BOTH those categories.
And we love you for it!
I bet I have HER beat in each category, Ivan!
Realy.
Lewd and rebellious women make me smile and laugh and dance and chase them around. I loves it when I catches one!! Sometimes they let me. Love it when that happens!
If they’re lewd, they’ll let you catch them, but does that preclude them being rebellious? If they’re rebellious, they won’t let you catch them, right? Well, then they don’t get to be lewd!!
Not fair!!!!1!
I’m sorry. I was cleaning my shotgun. What are we talking about?
I like them too. They make life worth living.
Lewd & rebellious women are awesome.
I’d like to know against whom I can’t be rebellious . . . God? Everyone? Or just males?
Knowing that type, it’s probably all males . . . it’s that Corinthians crap, again. One of the main reasons I gave up on the Bible as the word of a deity. Of any sort.
Eh, Paul again. What did that guy have against women?
Sexual frustration. Plus a cruel mother.
(Ewww. I’m no Freudian, but that sounds pretty plausible, doesn’t it? Maybe Freud had it right, but only for the REALLY screwed up types. Think Anthony Perkins in “Psycho”.)
phew!!! I’m safe! Thank all the gods whom I do not worship that I’m a pot smoking big devil!
rofl! i thought the same thing!
So… homosexuals who don’t molest children are in the clear? Yay!
And if you only have one face you’ll be fine too.
what does he have against batman villians?
Two-Face is out, but the Penguin and the Joker are okay still.
what about riddler?
Or Poison Ivy?
I think they have all stolen or lied at one point or another, but they aren’t specifically being singled out the way Two Face is.
Poor Two Face. What did he ever do to deserve being singled out? He should have been doubled out, then he’d be happy.
I think g_d’s judgement has come and gone, and thats how ol boy got thiat haircut.
Awesome! He only lists “Child Molesting Homosexuals”. I don’t molest children, so I’m good to go!
Woot! homosexuals of legal consent ftw! high-fives all around!
Who is this child and why is he molesting all the homosexuals? I have to agree that this young person (boy? girl?) really should go to hell. Leave the homosexuals alone, dammit.
I noticed the Lewd Women woman looks a lot like Lois Griffin.
I don’t see “euthanizing idiotic supposedly religious hypocrites” on the sign so I guess its okay to procede with that. ‘Scuse me just a minute……
Wait, euthanizing? You’re going to do it painlessly? What’s wrong with you?!
Euthanasia is something you can do with a rusty spoon right?
It means good death, so I’m thinking no, but that’s just my opinion . . .
From Wikipedia: “. . . it refers to the practice of ending a life in a painless manner.” But then, who believes that rag?!
Well, um…I can make sure they are good and dead with a rusty spoon. The wiki entry was probably vandalized and isn’t accurate anyways.
i’m mormon, and i love participating in and watching sports. looks like i’m screwed.
You’re going straight to hell. For sure. SINNER!!!!!!!!!
water sports as in peeing on people or water sports as in water polo?
He didn’t say anything about water sports. You’re just seeing what you want to see.
He’s peeing what he wants to pee.
at this point all that matters is that he stays out of the pool!
That conjures some wild imagery there, froo.
haha well i did swim back in high school, but not peeing on others
OK, I finally read all the comments, and there are still two that puzzle me. What is a F SE Religion, and what exactly are the words circled in red? (I may still qualify for something on that board . . . hm)
I can’t read the whole comment circled in red but the first line is ‘Pencil neck’, can anyone else read the rest of it?
Pencil-neck weak kneed …. men.
The other one is ‘rebellious women’.
I score a 6 on the scale!
pencil neck weak kneed…listless….men, maybe?
sheesh, how are we supposed to know if we need to change our hell-bound ways if we can’t even make out what is on the sign?
I think it says pencil neck week kneed gutless men. But then, I’m a rebellious woman and I may just be stirring the pot, ya never know.
Well I don’t see anything up there about pot stirring so you should be okay if you could only stop rebelling.
I never knew that being skinny and having bad knees was among the many reasons I’m going to hell. Learn something new every day.
But are you also gutless? If you have a gut you should be fine.
Don’t worry. My dad always said that all the interesting people were going to be in hell, anyway. (If my sanctimonious relatives get to got to heaven, I certainly am not interested!)
That’s how I feel. If people like choad boy in the poster and Paul Primavera are going to be in “heaven”, why the fukc would -I- want to go there?! Sounds like -my- idea of hell anyway!
It turns out we all go to the same place when we die. They get to go to “heaven” were there are others of their kind and thus they are happy. We go to “hell” where there are others of their kind preaching at us into eternity and we can’t even kill them because they’re already dead! This is why I intend to live forever.
Damn, I was one contraction away from using there, their and they’re in one sentence!
So far so good…
No, you got them all in there. Props.
Oh, in the third sentence! I did get it! Yay! *does the happy dance*
F se religion is probably false religion…not sure why the A and the L are whited out. (Maybe some kind of hilarious fundie wordplay that I’m not getting?)
I’m DYING to figure out the lower red-circled one, because it’s “Pencil neck” something. Who is the almighty going to judge because of their dastardly pencil neckary?
and my axe!
Too bad he didn’t list judgmental bigots!
The red circled text looks like “Pencil Necked Weak Kneed Gutless Men”
That’s my best guess.
And this kid needs a clue.
Perhaps I should clarify that he seems to be the judgmental bigot.
LOLing at the distinction of “Women” there in a few of those items…
Apparently being lewd and rebellious is okay… as long as you are MALE.
GENDER INEQUALITY FTW!!!
God’s Judgement in: He Approves!!!
It says– Child Molesting Homosexuals….
So Child Molesting Heterosexuals are okay? Jumping Jehovah’s Witnesses, Batman!
Hehe. Indeed.
Oh wait… are you using ‘jumping’ in the context of ‘The Jehovah’s Witnesses are jumping’… or the Jehovah’s Witnesses are to BE jumped by the Child Molesting Homosexuals?
<– is confused… lol
Woop… my bad… learn to read, Blade…
‘jumped by Child Molesting HETEROsexuals’…
*blushes*
I wish they’d just add all the comments from last time around too, to save us all time.
I skipped that one and plan to skip this one, too. Except for the chocolate comment…
Chocolate? Where!!!!
Poor kid.
But, hey, overindulgence is chocolate is NOT on the sign so YAY for me!!
dammit – IN chocolate
*goes and gets more*
Hey, good catch. I’m also in the clear.
I like that for two-faced people they used the theater masks. Does that mean just two-faced actors?
I’m with mej; what’s a F se Religion?
I’d like to add to the damned: people who don’t proofread their sandwich boards.
It’s false religion. As for the 2 faced, I guess they just really don’t think Zahpod Beeblebrox makes a good POTG (president of the galaxy)…..
But he was an excellent POTG!!
bitter troll thought he was voteing for worst dresser , not POTG
Judge not lest ye be judged. They forgot about that part of the Bible.
Yeah, but the Bible says a lot of things.
And people like this tend to forget a LOT of those things!
“Love thy neighbor” comes to mind..
ALL my neighbors? Even the ones with the annoying barking dog?
I don’t want to love my neighbors, I barely like most of my neighbors.
Nah, you guys can hate your neighbors all you want; just don’t claim to adhere to a book that tells you to do just that then act like this douchebag (in the picture)
I really just kind of hate the dog. But I should hate them because I know it’s not the dog’s fault. *grumbles* But no one will let me shoot the neighbors.
I will let you. But I don’t think I have the legal authority to do that. If you take out the neighbor who lets the crying cat out all the time I won’t tell anyone though. Seriously, they let the cat out to walk around the apartment complex and this thing wanders around and meows at three in the morning.
Sometimes my kitty will meow very loudly at 3am to come inside, but usually only when it’s super cold. I always call her to come in when it’s cold out, but sometimes for whatever reason she doesn’t come when I call. Then I have to let her in when she cries. It happens rarely, so I’m ok with it. It makes me cry to think of her all cold and alone and unable to get inside where it’s warm.
No, my neighbors cat isn’t cold (it rarrely drops below 50 at night here) and does this all the time. Plus with the way the building is setup it echoes and the neighbors don’t seem to even notice so it goes on for hours. I’d swear the cat was in heat 24/7 except he’s male, and fixed too.
You could ‘accidentally’ let him outside and call animal control. Oh, dear. I think that’s probably on the board of things to go to hell for.
Don’t think I haven’t thought about it
Well, I didn’t figure it was the same situation. Just sharing a cat story.
Us Mormons need that from them.
Actually, I don’t think you need that from this guy.
We Mormons need . . .
Little trick: Drop the middle word, and it becomes, “Us need”, which is obviously wrong.
“We need.”
“We Mormons need.”
Q.E.D.
typical american teenage
Not.
Except in the sense that in any high school ‘ there’s always ONE!’
So “pot smoking little devils” are bad, does that mean normal pot smokers are fine and dandy?
I once had a guy with a sign like this tell me I was “an uppity woman who didn’t know my place in God’s society” – it was one of the best compliments I ever received – it made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside!
“Well-behaved women seldom make history.”
So let me get this straight. There’s only one liar in the world? Why is liar in singular and the rest in plural? Who is this sole liar he is adressing?
Himself?
-waits for someone to say Obama-
*can’t resist*
Obama
wait are you saying clinton never lied?
Exactly, and neither did Nixon, or, um, Reagan, or either Bush, or any other President. They are flawless.
Oh, and just ’cause you told me I had to, I created a LOL. So I guess now I’m not considered a troll anymore?
ooh bitter troll needs to see it!!! how come you not on bitter trolls friend list?
Or Rando’s!
Request sent.
I’m on Grimmi’s list. Look for AuntieLola.
I like that racists are bad, but sexists and religionists (and about elebenty-three other -ists) are cool with God. But it makes me sad that the kid apparently believes all that crap (lot of woman-hate going on there) – I can see him doing a 180 after a few years when real life intrudes into his happy little bubble of weirdness. He’d end up with a different sign, something like “I haven’t had any Thunderbird in two days, please help.” Oh, and you people who’s libido differs from mine, you’re evil (just wanted you to know).
To be honest, at this point in time this picture is probably several years old. That could just be a phase this kid went through.
We can only hope.
That’s pretty optimistic. My whacko relatives have just become more whacko with age.
I was scrolling past this post and skimming it, and misread it as “pretty onanastic”, which is a whole different set of problems….
Geez. Make me get the dictionary out again. And ew. Didn’t make the boy get fixed for THAT.
Masturbating helps me hope for the best in people.
Onanastic-tastic?
When you start out that wacko, where does one go from there?
Homicidal rampage?
Understood, but what do you do when you see him sitting on the sidewalk with a sign during his next phase?
bitter troll notices the word MURDERER!!!11!!1!! is not on the sign, so axe MURDERER!!!11!!1!! are ok?
As long as you don’t kill babies, it looks like you’re fine, bitter.
what about eating babies? bitter troll needs to eat too
Hmm…..I’m not sure. We made need a higher power judgement call on that. Will you be killing the babies or will someone else do that for you?
bitter troll eats them when they are still alive and squigging. if they die in bitter troll’s bitter digestive tract thats the babies fault
I would say you get off on this one on a technicality, bitter.
I thought it was only if the axe was +2? No? Crap, I have to go read the latest version again.
You people who make light of God’s Law will come to rue the day when you didn’t submit to His love, mercy and forgiveness. If you don’t do so now, then in the world to come you will bend your knee to His justice. Now whether that sign which the depicted protestor has is valid or not isn’t the point. What is the point is that murder (including but not limited to baby murdering), homsexual activity, adultery, fornication, thievery, bearing false witness, etc. ARE sins, AND the wages of sin are death. Jesus Christ paid the price for that on the Cross, but if you refuse Him, then He can’t save you from the fires of hell to which YOU condemn yourselves. God doesn’t send you to hell – you do that all by yourselves BECAUSE you refuse His mercy and love. In the end, as Fr. Corapi says, we will all spend eternity in one of two places: Heaven or Hell. God wants everyone to go to Heaven. But not everyone will. And that’s because they’d rather live in the filth of their sin than in the loving kindness of God’s grace. And that is so sad.
Your god didn’t write the Christian Bible; humans did, and in many cases included mythology to illustrate it. In many cases the “historical” accounts weren’t written until years after the events supposedly happened. In addition, what most people know as the Christian Bible was compiled from a group of SELECTED writings – not the entirety of everything that had been written, even by those authors – in order to support the precepts of the Church, which was and is pretty much a white male dominated oppressive organisation. Why are there Apocrypha? Because those books didn’t suit the agenda of the Church. The Bible was never written in any language such as English, until it was translated as the King James version, which wasn’t even how people spoke English at the time – it was an attempt to add gravitas to the book (and keep the common masses in awe of it). Prior to that it had all been done in Latin – but the originals were written in various languages, and “published” by being copied by hand by scribes. Don’t tell me some of them didn’t get things wrong. Humans fail. Repeatedly.
In addition, Jesus himself states that he was there to communicate the “new covenant” to the Jews, and he scorns the Gentiles – he healed the Gentile woman *only* because of her fast faith, and not because she was part of the people to whom he was sent to minister (and for whom he was supposed to be slain).
Add to this the fact that your god is supposedly all-knowing and all-powerful; this is all tied in with predestination. All of this conflicts entirely with the concept of self-will – there cannot be true self-will if our lives are predestined, and your god is a despot who randomly picks who goes where based on his own wishes.
So I choose not to put my faith in a god who doesn’t care enough about the world to act within it. We’re not going to hell, bubba; we’re already there.
TL; DR
Elebenty!!!11!
I’m an Atheist. We are all human, and therefore living. All living things, Christians and yourself included, will one day die. This is a certainty. According to your logic, everything sins, even the best of men. Therefore, why try?
No no no no no no no! That’s not the way to win the fight!
Where’s Ivan, he needs to defend Atheists better than this.
Huh? Oh, sorry, I was off sinning. What’d I miss?
oh hi, it’s you again. the self righteous bigoted asshole. good to know you haven’t managed to “accidentally” get run over 17 times by mac trucks…
waaaaaaaaaaait a second. i get it now.
HEY EVERYONE!!! that douche bag in the picture is paul. suddenly it all makes sense.
Of course! *slaps forehead*
I can’t believe we didn’t realise it before!
i know… it just hits you and all of a sudden it ALL makes sense.
I suddenly have the urge to sing “I can see clearly now, Loraine has gone!”
Hey! You stole that from me!
I did no such thing! You’re the one who got stuck in my head whether I wanted it there or not!
There’s a bathroom on the right.
Thanks! ‘Scuse me. BRB.
I tried shorty. I tried.
next time, make sure you downshift first so that you can really floor it. if he manages to scamper away you can chase him better… trying to floor it in the top gears just doesn’t work well.
I know, I was just so heated up in the action of the chase. I jack-knifed and screwed it all up.
And I’ll ride shotgun with a high-powered rifle. So, in case you miss him, I won’t.
I knew I could count on you!
They didn’t give me this whistle and badge just because I’m sexy. It’s pool cleanin time, b1tches!!
Maybe we could get Captain Wow to fly something in the vicinity just to, you know, be an aerial spotter. She could text you his location. I’m sure she wouldn’t crash into him. *double checks airbags and safety belts on airplane to make sure they are in good working condition*
New from Mac in 2009: iHaul.
but god can make it happen, if thats what god really wants, everyone going to heaven and not hell. or is there limits to what God can Voodoo?
As a father, I can’t imagine condemning my children to hell no matter what they did. Murder, adultery, hating me, denying that I even exist…no I’d still love my children and wouldn’t want them to spend an eternity burning. I have a really hard time trying to figure out this hell business. The whole wanting to see bad people punished for an eternity sounds like a human desire, not the desire of an all-powerful deity.
Right. I think a deity would be like most parents: try it again. Maybe you’ll get it right this time.
That’s why I believe in reincarnation.
I can’t see some omnipotent, omniscient being acting like such a vindictive ass.
Reincarnation sounds good. My mom told me once that maybe if I was really good, I could be reincarnated as a cat like mine (I had a really spoiled kitty at the time — now we have four!).
That just sounds tiring.
Yeah, but if you’re a pig you can then spend the entire rest of the day resting!
I’d also like to come back as one of my kitties. They have great lives. *looks at her cat sleeping on her pillow*
Don’t forget he’s supposed to be all loving too. I’m not sure what that word would come out to be…omniamorous?
Quick! Copyright that!
Omniamorous©
Nice.
I an omniamorous god one that likes to cuddle a lot?
Omniamorous© is all loving so I’m sure he/she would like to cuddle if it weren’t a long distance relationship. Omniamorous© god needs to move closer so we can cuddle more and hang out.
One of my philosophy professors in college liked to use the term omni-benevolent, but it is not really the same thing.
Yeah, you aren’t technically required to love them while you’re being benevolent. It’s like working at a soup kitchen for thanksgiving. Sure you’re helping the homeless and whatnot, but you probably don’t love them.
I refuse to submit to your judgment. Even your own book tells you no one will judge me but your god.
I will rue nothing.
bitter troll rue’s the asian bitter troll had for lunch, tummy troubles
Stop eating Asian kids, bitter troll! You get indigestion and in a half hour you’re hungry again!
I try telling him this, but he says all that dog and cat meat they eat makes them extra tender and dericious.
You know you can get SARS from eating those things. YOu better be careful Bitter.
(for those who don’t know, it’s believed SARS came from someone eating an improperly cooked cat)
*giggles* I love you Charro.
*blush* I love you too DU.
*looks around quickly* Keithy’s not here yet *Loves Charro*
*gropes DU*
That’s how I love, baby.
If we’re lucky when Keithy shows up he’ll punish us both for starting without him
I hope I get punished severely. Max hasn’t been around lately for torture sessions.
Rue is supposedly good for keeping cats away from something, but I’ve never found it at the nursery.
Random factoid for the day.
“Something”? Like, you want your cat to stay away from something (anything), you rue it? Or it’s a specific “something”? Like poinsettias?
It’s a type of smelly evergreen. It might not grow where VG lives. I’ve never seen it here, but since I have four cats I never looked for it. We have catnip! (I feel that cats are entitled to their drugs just like people.)
My cat is so straight edge. She never touches the ‘nip. I’ve given up on even offering it to her.
It is genetic. About 1 in 4 cats don’t have the gene that makes them react to it. I wonder if there is a gene that makes people not react to alcohol…obviously not in our family, mostly French-Canadian-American.
I don’t know about alcohol but there might be one for pot. I’ve never managed to get high off of it.
Huh. Never thought about it. I stick to the legal drugs (security clearance and all that, if you know what I mean). We just had two kids expelled and several suspended from my son’s school for selling and buying, respectively, pot brownies. Not him, thank goodness. (I’d probably strangle him!)
*wide eyed innocence* Pot brownies? No! These are the brownies my mommy made me for my lunch but I don’t like brownies so I was selling them to this other kid. Well, I know the price seems high, but he’s willing to pay it because his parents um..won’t let him eat brownies? Yeah! That’s it!
All my cats like the ‘nip, but one of them will only approach the dried form. She treats fresh-from-the-garden catnip like Nancy Reagan would a joint!
One of my cats goes crazy for the ‘nip the other just looks confused when we put it out. It is fun to do while eating brownies. MMMmmm brownies.
No, I know what rue is. My question was is it something in specific that you “rue” so that cats stay away? Like poinsettias?
Or is it a catch all for something you want kitty to stay away from, like the couch, that corner they pee in, your favourite jacket etc.
*sigh* Like do you put it on something specific, i.e. a poinsettia.
Damnit.
Rue would be something you can either plant to chase away the kitties (some folks don’t like them digging in their gardens–me, I plant catnip and catmint!), or you could rub a little bit on your sofa. Or so I have read.
I’d like to be able to keep my one cat from clawing the better sofa. Even putting a scratching post right next to it isn’t working. *sighs*
Whenever my cat would claw the couch I would grab her paws and walk her over to the scratching post, and then claw the scratching post with her claws. It worked really well, though I don’t recommend that method if your cat is uncomfortable with having his/her paws touched.
Didn’t work with Calypso, although it was effective with both of the boy-cats. She’s just too smart and ornery at the same time!
I’m apparently unable to comment to say thank you.
So weird when that happens.
There is a spray, I think it’s enzyme-based, called “Cat away” or something like that. It’s available at pet stores. Like all cat training solutions, it sometimes works.
I’m not sure I understand your question. I think what VG was talking about was a plant that you can put in your yard that keeps cats away. Like planting marigolds next to your roses because they keep aphids away. Anti-catnip, if you will.
I thought poinsettias were poisonous to cats? (I guess that would deter them.)
I don’t think they’re as poisonous as they’re made out to be. In fact, when I was researching poisonous house plants (my daughter likes to eat leaves and dirt), I saw poinsettias on the “not toxic” list with a qualifier that large quantities will hurt animals.
I know the toxicity to humans is overstated. I think I will ask our vet tomorrow about the cats. The new cat is pyscho and eats many inedible things. I would like to know how much is ‘large.’
Roughly 8″ or so…….
Oh wait, you were talking about plants?
I think that’s male imagination and female fantasy.
*mouth firmly shut*
I’ve met bigger. It was sad actually. He was a total dom and all over me, but well, there’s such a thing as to big
Yes there is, DU. Yes there is.
Well, I will say that my sample size is probably not optimum for a rigorous analysis, so existence is not precluded by it.
(In English, just ‘cuz I didn’t find it don’t mean it don’t exist!)
Check out the book I mentioned in a previous LOL “The Great Big Book of Penis’s” I think most if not all of those qualify as too big.
Well, it sounds entertaining, but I feel like Goldilocks. What I’ve found is just right.
Yeah, I did a guy once who had a very large one and it was just uncomfortable. I did not like it at all. I have found 7″ – 7.5″ to be just right for me.
I mean, the inside of a girl is really only so long as to accommodate one of those things. I think anything over 8″ would really be overkill.
Ditto on everything you just said, charro. I think we’re all very lucky to have found someone who is “just enough” for us
I once dated someone who was just the slightest bit to big, on the plus side he could some amazing things with his mouth.
Yes, I have heard poinsettias are poisonous to cats. The way she phrased it it sounded like “rue is good to put on something to keep cats away but I don’t know what that something is”.
So I was wondering if you rue something specifically, or if it’s a catch all kitty keep away device.
I think it might be a catch all, put a sprig in your jacket, or on the corner of the couch to keep the kitty from scratching or marking. Supposedly orange peels will work well for that too.
There’s fennel for you, and columbines.
There’s rue for you, and here’s some for me. We may call it herb of grace o’ Sundays. O, you must wear your rue with a difference!
wait, you say god. but WHAT god? zeus? thor? that creepy one from temple of doom? xenu? xena: warrior princess? Mick Foley? Thule? one of them funny ones from india?
I always liked Kali, goddess of destruction.
FSM is bitter troll’s favorit. bitter troll is a piratian pastafarian
Freya. Nordic fertility and love goddess, naturally!
Freya’s kind of a morbid god as I recall, her male twin oddly is the one who is more into the fertility thing.
Huh. I guess I have to really read those eddas some day!
My personal favorites would have to Lucifer, Astaroth, Beelzebub, and Azazel.
…
Mick Foley?
YOU WORSHIP MICK FOLEY TOO?!
Who doesn’t?
BANG BANG!!!
paul, i’m going to make this simple so you can understand: it’s your hell, only you can burn in it.
can i come visit yours? i think we could host quite the party if we joined forces…
since it’s so cold here (one of my steel fence pipes burst the other day) i’m all for a party in hell, cover $10, clothing optional, check all religious hang-ups at the door with your clothes
open bar to the left, musical instruments and dance floor to the right; just be warned that ‘private areas’ aren’t as private as they look, & check underneath the cushions for fetish equipment of your choice :twist:
blast it all to hades, that :twist: was supposed to be a devil smilie!
and i forgot to mention the wrestling pits in the center, about 50 yds ahead, although if i lived up to my name i wouldn’t say anything and would wait and see who’d become ‘un’willing participants
needed to add an ‘ed’.
Here’s my $10!
*hangs up coat, starts working on the rest*
one rule to rule you all, one rule to find you,
one rule to bring them all and in the darkness bind them:
after you’ve played in the mud wrestling, wash before joining any of the food based wrestlers – gritty whipped cream is just gritty, and unpleasant between the teeth
blasted dog demanding attention at the wrong time! i wanted that to read:
one rule to rule you all, one rule to find them,
one rule to bring you all and in joy and gaiety welcome you
fricken ‘ell, would you believe it took me almost 7 hours to figure out what the ‘ed’ bit was for!…. so trying this again
if i didn’st love you already (in a perverted, platonic sort of way) i sure would now! i can do my second favorite smilie!
gotta try one more though
;twisted;
rats, someday i’ll get the hang of this new-flangled geek stuff
You want full colons : rather than semi-colons.
and 
and 8)
BTW, if you right-click on any interesting smilie, and then select ‘properties’, you can usually find out the code needed to make it. That was how I figured out
:shocked:
Damnit! What the hell?
Hmmm…
:rolleyes:
My rolleyes never works!
colon roll colon
Hmmm….
Yay! Thanks, Charro.
I was putting ‘rolleyes’ instead of just ‘roll.’ Being too literal, I guess.
*tries to see how many different faces she can make with just emotes and not colon word colon*
8) ;D 
:’( >:) >:D
Almost forgot O.o O.O
:O Well Damn, those don’t work *sulks*
*calculates gas consumption to IA and back*
Um, think I’ll stick with my neighbor’s until I can get the fuse. Thanks, though.
I didn’t know you could do that with properties. Thanks
8)
Some of them you can also do with the standard emoticons for example : P =
: D = 
and ; ) = 
– Sorry everyone, I am going through an emotional roller coaster.
I need one for kicking the dryer.
Lemme try :kick: :dryerkick: :kickdryer:
:beatdryerwithhammer:
hmm… :ducttapedryerintosubmission:
I think it needs a new fuse. Who designs an electrical device where you have to remove the entire back to check the fuse? And the parts place closed at one, so I will have to wait until Monday to get one.
My pillows are visiting the dryer of my friend down the street.
*kicks dryer
:afvckitletsgetabeer:
I have a dryer in storage in IA if you want it.
Your pillows are whores.
I have a dryer in storage in AZ.
I have TWO dryers in CA!
I had a nesting fail ^^. THanks for the many dryer offers. I have to admit that I am a bit intrigued by what is apparently an epidemic of extra dryers stashed around the country. I don’t think I have anything stored anywhere except in my garage, which explains the difficulty in shifting the stupid dryer out.
Can you believe that I had to remove the entire back panel just to remove the fuse?
I used to have another one in storage in GA, but my wife and I donated it to my parents-in-law when their dryer died. We pretty much abandoned it when we moved to IA a little over 4 years ago.
We ended up buying the washer/dryer from the previous owner of an apartment that we lived in two years ago, but we had to move b\c the landlords decided to tear down the 90 year old house/apartment to build luxury town homes that two PhD students could clearly not afford. Our newest apartment did not have hook ups for a washer and dryer, so they are now in storage.
I like that. I’m stealing it!
Hey! “Theives”!! I’m up to seven!!!!11!!!
but south park makes hell look so appealing
I’m not entirely sure suprize buttsecks from Satan is my idea of appealing.
But Satan throws the best Halloween parties!
{{http://www.southparkstudios.com/clips/103390/?searchterm=christmas}}
I’ve often wondered if I could be sent to a hell I didn’t believe it existed….one of those questions I like to contemplate when I’m stoned….
@justacanuck – from a pagan viewpoint, hell is a christian construct meant to drive the sheep with fear, so if you’re not a christian, why believe in and give power to their demons?
There were ideas of bad/good afterlife before Christianity. Hell is just one word for it, afaiac. ;p
so true, but valhalla just doesn’t have that implied ‘beat you over the head into submission’ sound to it, beat others into a bloody pulp, yes, but not the self; and i don’t remember any of the other religions being so bloodthirsty over every petty indiscretion either. more of a p!ss off such and such god and they stomp you into a bloody puddle, and then maybe bring you back later to stomp on again…. more of an individual thing than a checklist of trivia
i know, very simple explanation, and missing half my thoughts, but those are the thoughts that are swirling in the missing part of my brain, lol
That new space is the location of the mystical bits which can’t fit into most heads!
It works like this, your belief in Hell does not affect Hell’s existence. It either exists or it doesn’t in the same way that the world is either round or it is flat. You can join up with the Flat Earthers who went around believing the world was round sometime around the 19th century but that doesn’t change the roundness of the earth. So if hell is real you can be sent there regardless of whether or not you believe in it. If it isn’t real you can’t be sent there regardless of whether or not you believe in it. However! (yes, the however needed it’s own exclamation mark.) you could be of the belief that things of a more metaphysical nature such as gods, goddesses, afterlives demons, faeries etc are affected by how much people believe in them. In that case if enough people believe strongly in hell it is possible to go to hell but that still doesn’t necessarily mean you will go. If enough people believe in your afterlife of choice (or lack thereof for atheists) then it is likely that you will go there. *passes Canuk the bong* First greens are all yours. Have fun.
I personally believe in reincarnation. Then ascension. No hell. Well, except the ones we make for ourselves of course.
*sighs and watches the temperature drop in this gods-forasaken state*
Just be grateful you’ve never been to Kansas. Be even more thankful you’ve never been to Kansas to visit my family.
Wow I can’t believe I mistyped forsaken.
‘i reject your reality and substitute my own.’ — adam savage, mythbusters
“caution, science ahead!” –same source, and I want that t-shirt!
::writes that down on her xmas shopping list::
Paul, this is a humor site, not a place to shill for your blog. You aren’t going to get any hits from us. Okay, I went there to look around, so I just lied, but hey, that’s at the top of my list!!!
seriously, you won’t get any takers from us so stop trying
Seriously, go to Paul’s blog. He’s better than Colbert.
And if you post anything slightly challenging his anti-atheist, anti-liberal, anti-woman beliefs, he refuses to allow the comment and then deems you worse than Hitler or something.
no one is better then colbert!
Also, he addresses every post as ‘folks’ which is pretty good in and of itself. Especially cause he probably gets less readers than my blog….
I don’t have a blog, and my blog gets more hits than Paul.
rando, you get more hits than pauls blog
*hits Paul* Well damn. Turns out I am a violent evil liberal. I always thought I was a pacifistic evil liberal.
ahem, that wasn’t the kind of ‘hits’ i was referring to, now will you please desist in beating on rando; unless of course he’s enjoying it
But I wasn’t beating on Rando, I was beating on Paul to give him more hits than Rando!
Not so much of a fan of pain.
Most guys aren’t.
My blog brings all the boys to the yard.
I could teach you, but I’d have to charge!
Phblttt.
I’d just like to point out that this was the real Paul W Primavera and not me in tinfoilhat, asbestos suit and body armour. I ain’t that funny.
I rue the day you got Internet access, douche bag. Do you really think spewing your hateful crap on PK is gonna get you any bonus points with the big guy? I seriously doubt it. It’s not your place to judge anyone, ass helmet. My belief in God is in a much less judgmental God.
did it ever come across your mind that what you have just said sounds more like…what a dictator would do to his/her people? Forcing them to do something and if they don’t then the opposite is death.
How about hell is what you make it? If God loves all then s/he loves all. If God does not love those who ‘turn from him’ then it is limited and not true love.
Murder is definately not right but homosexuality is not a sin. Never was and never will be. It was only thought to be because of simple reproduction value, look at the cultures and political lifestyles of the earlier times.
You’re sweet, but you do realize you’re talking to a total whackado, yes? That’s why we just make fun of him. You’re welcome to join in.
hehe, well incase he reads, but yes they tend to look the other way to logic. I’ll read the comments
I just need to post so that Paul can see my Primavera menu . . . with a msg just for him.
Although, from the looks of the post above, he’s gotten more succinct.
(I sure hope I haven’t spoken too soon . . .)
I just can’t get over that first sentence:
“people who make light of God’s Law will come to rue the day when you didn’t submit to His love, mercy and forgiveness.”
If he’s all about the love, mercy & forgiveness, why are you making threats for him? Isn’t that something a mob boss would say: “You’ll rue the day . . . !”
It’s just—
I can’t even imagine. I –
The cognitive dissonance would make my head IMPLODE if I tried to follow this religion!
I just love when the overly obsessed Christians entertain me with their fairy tales and super scary stories! And the capitalized words add dramatic effect!!
)
Oh and just so you know, just because you believe something does not necessarily mean it’s right. Soooo, best not to force your beliefs on people cause that’s a great way to make people not like you very much…Which may result in responses like this.
I was hoping he would forget to capitalize a ‘Him” in there.
Has anyone else noticed (I may have missed it) that the illustration for Lewd Women looks more like a drag queen than anything else?
INCORRECT
its lois griffon from family guy
She certainly seems like she could be a lewd woman.
Drag queens, transvestites & ladyboys are OK, as are gamblers, flashers, pimps & democrats. I have a feeling that as the boy gets older and travels around a bit more, he’s going to need a bigger board.
And a bigger boat to carry that bigger board.
This is like a bingo card of my friends!
And now my keyboard and screen are covered in coffee. Thanks for the lol!
Racism is wrong, but it’s totally cool to descriminate against other religions.
And any women who are not totally passive.
You’re right. I completely agree. With everyone here. You are all right. *goes back to making pies and sandwiches in the kitchen*
*has a sudden urge to NOT eat whatever DU is making!*
I liked when this was up the first time, and we played “How many points did you score?”
You count how many of those you are/have done and whoever scores the highest wins! I’ll go first. I got 11.
And of course, by “have done” I mean “have done and not repented and/or been saved from the sin(s)”.
i only got 9… you beat me.
Well, come over later, we’ll get the other two..
I’m at 10…..I’m not much of a drinker.
Hmmm… I seem to only be able to muster three. Okay, four. No, five? Yes, five.
well, if we’re using HOW’s take on the “false religion” and considering birth control as killing potential babies then i’m at 11… and i’ve never tried pot, so i got some of the better ones in there too!
Oh, I didn’t think about birth control! SIx!
6 here also!
Oh, if Birth Control is baby killing I’m at 10.
Ooooh, I didn’t think about birth control. Yeah, he probably thinks that’s a sin. That puts me up to 3 or 4. Wait, does “drunkard” mean a regular drunk or have gotten drunk in the past? Maybe 5 then. Wait, does “thief” mean regular thief or have stolen something in the past? Still, I doubt I’ll ever beat Charro. LOL
Aw, I’m sorry Rando. I’ve had a full life..
*converts to Mormonism so she can have 13*
It’s okay. A lot of those aren’t really my thing. And I’m not a lewd or rebellious woman, so I know those aren’t happening. And I’m not Mormon either. LOL
I’m not sure if drunkards means people who go out with friends to get drunk and have fun or actual alcoholics. If it’s the former then I have 9.
I’m counting on a glass of wine at dinner. So I can put “drunkard” on my list. And for dinner. Yay!
*Hands lowly grunt a bottle of wine.
If you are going to be a ‘drunkard’ you are going to need at least this much with dinner.
Thanks, bitter wino! We wound up going to a play immediately after dinner, so no wine last night. I’ll be sure to open this bottle tonight!
Oh, hell – why wait? *gets bottle opener*
Remember, DU: alcoholism is a disease, drunkenness is a hobby. You’re at 10, at least.
If by “false religions” he means “everything that’s not Christianity” of which you may have at some point been a member, then I have 11. Otherwise, I’m at 10.
I think christianity is his one religion so everything else is false. He’s probably not even that fond of Catholics.
I just wish I knew what he thought of Mormons. It’s soooo difficult to tell from just the photo.
and other churchs are wrong too….it has to be not only his sect, but also his church ALONE will get into heaven
Mindless IRL trolling?
I missed “baby killer”. I got 12.
wish i could claim them all, but just can’t pull off the pencil necked child molesting homosexual, or being morman….. but i think i still came in at 14, does this mean i win?
So far you’re in the lead. Charro is just behind you with thirteen.
I got: Sex Addicts, Lewd Women, False Religions, Thieves, Pot Smoking Little Devils, Witches, Baby Killers, Racists*, Atheists, Liars, Drunkards and Rebellious Women.
*To be fair, I’m not really racist, I hate everyone equally. Though, I’m sure that’s still a sin. Damn crackers anyway.
Wait! I really really really like ice skating, does that count as sports nuts? 14! 14!!
Wait, are you counting lewd and rebellious as two?
And I have a question about the ‘witches’? Does that mean people who are witches? What if you just like them? Or even just don’t burn them at the stake?
Yes, because they are two separate things on the poster board.
I think it’s another slam on women, you know, women who aren’t “Good Christians” must be witches.
Though I actually have dabbled in witchcraft.
This is true. I was trying to figure out the counting…I don’t think I can keep up with you young’uns.
Is it witchcraft if you go to a Nordic ceremony and make someones spine tingle when you say your prayer to Loki?
I don’t know, but it certainly sounds like FUN!
I could only come up with 9, but as a dude I don’t know how I should be counting lewd and rebellious women.
I don’t like women that aren’t lewd and rebellious. They are too boring.
Sorry, you don’t get to count those, the same way we can’t count weak kneed pencil necked gutless men.
i would either yell at him or hit him “rebellious women” he should be beaten! I officially hate him. *nods then leaves*
What??? Sports Nuts?? How does that have any relevance what-so-ever?
See above VNV’s response.
I think what it means is you should only use your nuts for procreation, rather than recreation.
Is sex a sport? And if so, when and where are tryouts?
The try outs are also called “Dating” if you’re married you’ve probably made the team.
Yay! Go team!
But after you make the team all tryouts and practices cease, so it kind of sucks.
No, no. You have to practice harder once you make the team.
Yes but sometimes in order to remember what you’re supposed to do you have to watch the videos of other people’s tryouts……
I think I’ve said too much.
Or invest in new equipment and/or uniform.
Send the mascots away for the evening so they don’t ruin the practice….
I’ve heard a new stadium every so often can help.
You all are just, I don’t know what. Been married for 20+ years and never forgot how.
Or why…*smiles and wonders where husband went*
Usually, the team is just too damn tired from non-sports related ventures to work up the energy for practice. Not that the desire for practice is gone, mind you, it’s just buried under the paperwork
Might be time to get a team manager to help with scheduling and paperwork. And vacuuming. And cooking, laundry, the windows, the dishes, driving the kids to soccer practice…
It doesn’t help when you’ve got a couple little footballs running around to slow down your game.
There’s always “performance enhancers”, “doping” if you will . . . I won’t tell the commissioner if you won’t.
“There ARE always . . . ”
I HATE that mistake.
Try having a teenager who says, “Mom, it’s there ARE” when you misspeak.
I tried having a teenager . . . I didn’t care for it at all! Birthing is painful enough as it is . . .
I’ll pass, thanks.
Yes, but you no longer have the tryouts. Well, unless your team is really easygoing and lets you play on other teams like on the weekends or something. That’s cool.
I have some friends like that. They’re currently looking for a cute girl to tryout for their team.
NO. No no no no no no no. Did I say “no”? He’s MINE. *goes to find the ammo for the shotgun, muttering, crazy cold weather makes them all crazy up north*
*marks “Does not play well with others” and “Does not share well” on Mabs’ report card*
You’re right.
I didn’t say I wanted to play on your team. Sheesh.
Well, I mean, I do.. But not if you don’t want me to.
Only via internet.
But, if we have unprotected cybersex, I could get a virus!
Have you tried using a firewall?
You can’t get as much content through those. And the content you do get isn’t as good.
And it just doesn’t feel the same.
Well, you could all run a virus scan before you start, then if you all turn up clean you won’t need the firewall.
That’s how I roll DU. Fo sho.
No, no. My mom ran a family planning center for eight years. I’m very well versed in all forms of protection.
*gives hugs and cake to Charro*
You might gain weight hanging around with us, though. With a teenage boy, we tend to have lots of fattening things around. Of course, you have to be quick to get them before the boy.
Oh dear gods. No, I need to lose the weight I gained while unemployed still.
*has a sad* Cruse you depression and Haagen Dazs..
*waves fist*
Curse you for typing too fast Charro!
*curse
Breastfeed. You drop weight like a cancer patient.
Really? I did not know that. (My son did not do the breastfeeding thing.)
Um, I would have to get pregnant for that froo. And from my understanding of how it works (which is limited), you have to birth the child to be able to breastfeed it.
As we all know, I am staunchly against my breeding.
But if the smart people don’t breed, that means only the stupid people breed and genetics tells us where THAT leads….
If you do the stupid thing and inject your body with enough hormones to start your boobies producing milk, then you can reap the benies without the baby
mabsba: my daughter was in the NICU for 12 days after she was born, and never really took to the boobie. I just expressed milk with a pump and gave it to her in a bottle. My son gets the boob more often because he doesn’t seem to care where it comes from as long as he gets fed.
I seem to remember reading that breastfeeding (or expressing the amount I was expressing with my daughter) burns anywhere from 300-600 calories a day. So it’s like I’m exercizing at my desk, hehe.
Depression is not good for you. Nor is Ben and Jerry’s. Sweet sweet Ben and Jerry’s.
“Do the stupid thing”? You mean get knocked up? Or “do the stupid thing” and inject those hormones?
Yeah, mabs, I know I know. But I am still staunchly against my breeding.
I’m not sure it really works that way. I think the whole losing weight while breastfeeding is nature’s way of returning the body to its pre-pregnancy state. I’m not sure your body ‘thinks’ of non-pregnancy weight gain the same as it ‘thinks’ of pregnancy weight gain.
But I don’t really know for sure. I didn’t gain any weight during pregnancy and never breastfed ( I don’t think using a pump counts).
I believe it will also make your boobies bigger.
Yes, depression is not good for me. It’s a nice, daily battle. But thankfully I have you guys..
Froo, my son was in NICU for 10+ weeks. I was also seriously ill, so didn’t have good milk production even with those pumps that look like cow pumping machines. I gave up trying to get him to breastfeed after about a month at home. I may have burned that many calories cleaning that damn machine so many times every day.
I think using a pump counts, lol. It counts toward the sore boobies anyway, and it gets the milk inside the kid, which is the important part
I gained exactly 7 pounds over my pre-preg weight last time because I lost 25 pounds before I knew I was pregnant. This time I gained 25 pounds. But as of today I’m back to where I was before. So yay
I can fit into my 19 year old “sister’s” jeans now!!
I have some friends who were staunchly against their raising children, when she got pregnant and didn’t find out till half way through the third trimester(an odd series of events that led to her not figuring it out sooner) they simply decided to but the baby up for adoption. They now feel they have done their duty for the gene pool
mabs, my daughter was very, very lucky to get out so quickly. I was also very, very lucky to be built like a cow and produce milk like one, LOL. I also wasn’t ill after she was born, so that was an advantage too. Once she was out of me my BP went back where it was supposed to be, so I immediately felt better. It was freaky, actually.
The machines are degrading, aren’t they? (cow-like and all)
I wanted to donate my eggs but they wouldn’t take them. That’s about as far as I’m willing to go to “do my duty for the gene pool”.
I have terrible genes anyway.
Well, it was all a lovely near-death experience for me. (My mom, an RN, told me about a year after my son’s birth that she was surprised I didn’t die, having read my records.) My son was 10 weeks early, 1lb 15.5oz. You are always better off having girls! They do much better. My youngest brother says that’s because the girls concentrate on growing important organs like lungs unlike the boys who concentrate on growing their penises.
The worst is how judgemental people are: I had a clerk tell me that she was going to breastfeed her child when I was buying formula. So I said, “Good luck with that.” When she looked puzzle, I told her that it’s not always a choice. Geez. Using those stupid breast pumps, as you observed, is a HELL of a lot harder than breastfeeding.
Depression runs so strongly in my family and I have it so bad that I see it as my duty not to reproduce. It’s not something I would want to inflict on someone I don’t like, much my child
I have Borderline Personality Disorder and Major Depression. My mom and both sisters have thyroid problems, one sister is diabetic and has blood pressure issues, grandma died of cancer, mom has schizoaffective disorder, depression and anxiety issues, and we’re all nearsighted.
NEARSIGHTED! What a stain on my genetic makeup. That’s the real kicker right there, fo sho.
Oh I hear you. I don’t think there’s anyone in the family not wearing glasses at this point. Except maybe some of the little ones, and there’s no telling how long that’ll last.
Okay, not sure I want your eggs now!
But mostly because I am very pleased with one.
I’m ‘dopted. My kids are spinning the genetic wheel of chance being spawned from me.
My mom’s ‘dopted too, so that’s another variable.
Of course you can always play the genetic lottery and adopt you kids yourself. No idea how they’ll turn out. If you’re the one adopted at least you know what you’re like and have a vague idea of how they’ll turn out
Well, nature vs. nurture is an endless argument. But there’s always cloning!
We were discussing cloning once at the art studio run by Healthcare for the Homeless here, and a woman said that she wanted to clone herself so she would hold herself and love herself and tell herself she was wanted every day so that she could grow up knowing she was loved. I almost cried.
Cloning is all well and good, but do you really want two of me running around?
Keithy might! Guys seem to have a weird thing about twins.
Well, I was waiting for my dryer to finish and finally realized that nothing’s getting dry because the stupid thing is NOT heating up. Crap. (Double crap that it took a couple of hours for me to realize that was the problem.)
Good night, all.
Happy Hannukah to any of that persuasion.
Goodnight Mabs, good luck with the dryer. I should probably go to bed too. Gnight Charro and Froo(and any lurkers who are around
)
Mabs: Maybe it’s the cold?
No can haz even body heat, Mabs?
Mmph. Go find your own to heat leach off of! I haz cold feet that need warming!
I dunno. If you don’t learn how to play a more complete game, you could get kicked off the team.
*whew* That’s a relief. I’m surprised I made the team. My tryouts were terrible.
note how it doesn’t list regular child molesters as being bad, just “child molesting homosexuals.”
THOU SHALL NAUGHT SAY THINGS OTHERS HATH SAID A ZILLION TIMES ALREADYITH
But what do sports nuts have to do with it?
They’re Belgian sports nuts, clearly
Hey! Belgians aren’t on the list! Neither are communists or Nazi’s! What is wrong with this kid? He has no priorities.
Unprioritized bastard child. I suggest locking him in a closet after whipping him soundly with a wet noodle.
Really? I never would have guessed from the previous 15 identical comments.
What if they’re Belgian child molesters?
I think they’re German.
theylook german f you turn them on their side
But are they socialest?
MURDERERS!!1!!121!!! of SOCIALSTS!!!?!!!
Well, all socialists are liberals, and all liberals are baby killers, so all socialists MUST be murderers!!!!
Has anyone noticed, I’m sure they haven’t, but it only lists “child molesting homosexuals”, and not “child molesting heterosexuals”?
Clearly I am the most observant person on teh interwebs and am the only person to have noticed this. I’m so awesome, in fact, that I won’t check the comments to see if anyone else has, because I already know they haven’t. I’m just that awesome.
So ossum!
so apparently if your a child molesting heterosexual … it’s alright.
……bitter troll wants to slap you
Bitter troll no slapping! That’s a sin, I’m sure that on the other side of the sandwich board.
Wait, what’s on the other side of the board? “Just Kidding?” “Kick Me?”
Golf sale?
“Yard Sale 1223 Greenkirk Lane, Lots of Toys & Baby Clothes, 7 am-1 pm, this Saturday only!!!”
You can spank me instead, bitter love.
So is it okay if it’s a child molesting heterosexual?
Yet Mormons are on his list. What’s he smokin’? LOL
You can make a nice shiny ball out of it. (Yay, Mythbusters!)
Shame he hasn’t got EWAdams on his list.
if you made a LOL of that, bitter troll would vote for it
Ther you go…
lmao!
THANK YOU!!! (hugs)
epic
You forgot “guest.”
No, guest has already been judged by the powers that be and has been found wanting.
Nice one keithy! But how do I vote on it?
Specifically? Don’t you just go to the voting page? It’ll turn up eventually.. whenever I try to put the proper page link into the box it rejects it. I’m going to have to go back to the tutorial on inserting hyperlinks. Or something.
Well, here is the tutorial again. Using the carrots (less than and greater than signs) instead of parentheses; do this.
(a href=”URL HERE including the h t t p colon backslashbackslah w w w”) TEXT YOU WANT PEOPLE TO SEE (/a)
The really easy way is to just put it between curly brackets and make people cut and paste it. But then you don’t look as cool.
You can do that too.
that one is my preference, if for no other reason than it works every time, plus more often than not it doesn’t flag the mods to take a gander at it, hence no delay to posting
if you give us the link to your homepage/profile then we can friend you and favorite your pics, plus rate them excellent; which might speed up their appearance in the voting queue
Of course!!! Silly me!
Voted! five burgers
Anyway, the sign says God’s judgement is coming so I’m guessing this guy has just got heads up on the nominations list. Just one of those groups is going to win the top award, and the rest are going home. Gamblers aren’t on the list so I’ve got rebellious women at 4:1 on, sports nuts and false religions at 11:1 and the field at 100:1.
I’d like to put 20 down on sex addicts.
Can’t help feeling you’ve got some inside information there. OK I’ll take it but I’m bringing them down to 3:1 after this one.
It’s not inside information! I just prayed for divine inspiration and was suddenly overcome by the urge to fornicate.
I should come over.
Oh! Yes, hurry! If you don’t get here soon I’m going to have to call Charro over I know how jealous you get.
I would have mixed feelings if I came across the two of you..
Well then you’d better hurry up and get here so I don’t have to call her!
*Cue pursuit music: winds down drawbridge, dons cloak, climbs on horse and rides out into the frosty night*
Keithy, if you came across the two of them, I guarantee that your feelings would be anything but mixed. It would probably be a feeling of relief, release, good times…..
I’ve said too much again….
Yup.
This is going to be a fun night regardless of who gets here first! *puts fresh sheets on the bed and picks up a case of whipped cream from the store.*
Wait –
If I were you two, I’d have to ask why she’s changing the sheets!
(No matter the answer, just take some safety precautions, mm’kay?)
I like to have fresh sheets when I have company over! I’m a good hostess! Is that so wrong?
*is already on her way*
I find the “Racists” sticker on the board ironic. This guy is most certainly one himself. Besides, that’s not going to make anyone want to join his religion. If anything, it’s going to make people like myself hate him more.
now how do we know the guy is a racist?
bitter troll dont see him accuseing being asian or mexican as sinful.
bitter troll wants to see the word “irish” up there thou..just to piss off the irish teehee
Oh…wait, I meant anti-diversity…please don’t hit me.
Bigot.
That works.
You know what I love? It says “child molesting homosexuals”…! So straight child molesters must be ok, right?
At least scan the comments. Otherwise bitter troll will punt you across them.
-rolls up a newspaper and swats at skystrider-
Pedobear approves.
But is the flag Belgian?
I dont see homosexuality either :3 WOOT
You just don’t live in the right part of town.
“rebellious women”- thats his only way to avoid rejection.
Sorry, but if you don’t acknowledge my supremacy you’re going to…a bad place. Or you could have your own religion, that’s cool too.
Hey, deities aren’t supposed to be so understanding! You’re an imposter!
The FSM I’m told is very understanding, at least of other food based religions. I’ve been told I can be a pastafarian and a banonist with fear of suffering the FSMs divine wrath.
So, uh, you can EAT your god? That’s a bit weird, isn’t it?
Oh, wait, that’s right . . .
Communion. Those wacky Christians did it first.
Yes, well eating is the primary method of worship. (and that last post should have read Baconist, I don’t know what a banonist is or if I want to be one) And at least I’m not eating a god who happens to be human and dead for near two millenia. That’s cannibalism, and probably unsanitary too.
No I’m not either understanding! You’re going to…the place of badness. And I don’t mean “bad” in a good way, either!
Wait, yes, I am understanding, but you’re still going there because you…well, you disagreed with me. Sorry. Can’t have that.
[That was not a reply fail, it was...me-darnit, you're all darned to heck!]
Uh huh. I think you just failed the omnipotence test.
Oh…poop.
Child molesting homosexuals?! I HATES DEM!!! BURNS DEM IN HELLLLL!!!! OH! You’re straight? Never mind, it’s cool. Are you free to babysit this weekend?
haha, so true!
Though i also like ‘Pot smoking little devils’. It just puts me in the mind of ‘an’ you won’t get any christmas pressies if you ain’t good to your mam, you pot smokin’ li’l devils!’
This child hath yet to be touched by his great noodly appendage.
His greatness is offended by the glow of his pomade.
Sports Nuts? What the hell ? Ich mean…come on…what about people driving cars, eating burritos or eating peanut butter on the third sunday in the month with red pants on while watching tv…or something like that
Cars, TV, red pants, and possibly peanut butter hadn’t been invented when the bible was written, all of those things will be in the forthcoming sequel to the first two bibles(old and new testament).
Pre-order your copy of The Bible III:Attack of the Return of the Bible Strikes Back!
I just did on amazon. I really enjoyed the first two bibles.
I hope that God doesn’t decided to put out a set of pre-quills like George Lucas did with Star Wars.
Turns out Satan was originally a whiny emo brat before turning evil.
Jar-Jar is Satan.
sports nuts?
well i knew i was doomed for other things..but for that? crap
I have a feeling he is giving this sin list a personal touch! Since he was mocked in school by those “sports nuts” …
Just Child Molesting Homosexuals? So, law abiding homosexuals are okay. I can live with that.
Also, as long as you’re not a little devil it’s okay to smoke pot apparently….
You know, this guy ain’t too unreasonable… =D
Also totally okay: child molesting heterosexuals, adult killers and those who covet their neighbour’s ass.
All lies those who believe in Kane are saved. KANE LIVES!!
TWO Faced people? WTF So Siamese twins are going to hell?
looks like lewd men are ok according to that board. just us women, horray!!!
Sounds like us sinning women will be with the Mormons, converting them.
XD
I do believe i see religion there. So let me get this straight i am going to hell for worshiping the Lord. You make great sense there kid. Please do us all a favor and leave property for more than 5 seconds at a time
Onanieren macht freude! =D
In Germany male Masturbation is called different so is legal to do in a church
So since I don’t molest children I guess I’ll be saved..? lol
Yes. Sheesh.
If children molest you, you may be going to hell anyways.
Someone comes by and says “ZOMG there are 666 comments!” thus bringing the total number of comments up to 667
Well, I’m a: Liar, atheist, sex addict, liar, thieve, and probably a 2-faced person, whatever that means. I’m going to hell.
5.5 is all you can come up with? Be creative.
Also a Mormon. Did I mention liar?
So does that mean you’re not a Mormon? Or not an atheist?
How many faces do you really have!!!!!!!@!22211!!!!!?
You know this heaven place they’re always talking about? It does not really sound like fun to me with only the likes of them up there…
That’s because all the cool people go to hell.
“rebellious women”? lmfao!
technically, God’s judgement is coming for everyone so…
maybe you should ditch the suspender-sign, dude.
Maybe you and Gwen should get a room and masturbate. Since you’re one and the same.
That’s the most boring kaleidoscope avatar I’ve seen. I feel bad for Gwerry.
Copcain is not sin. Actually it is the easiest way to meet god face to face very soon.Celebrities | Nature
i have a question for murqans :
why are you so virulent towards integrist religious muslims and why are you fighting a “war on terror” when your own country is filled with christian fundamentalists who want to forbid abortion, who make kids wear “purity rings” (wtf), when you have doctors killed because they practice abortion (George Tiller) and when you have televangelists ?
Freud would have said you’re fighting your mirror image…
We Atheists have been saying that for years. *sigh*
Hypocrisy is a hallmark of our society. We must preserve this and our pathetic double standards. IT IS THE AMERICAN WAY.
…
Damn, I hate religious fundamentalism.
Seems that the indicates that there’s only one liar on this planet. I wonder if it’s referring to the guy holding the sign.
Seems that the indicates that there’s only one liar on this planet. I wonder if it’s referring to the guy holding the sign.
And it seems that enjoying sports is also a sin.
Seems like the people who made this kid wear the sign believe God created us to be the fat, lazy, hopeless losers we are. No exceptions!
lol i love how “and mormons” looks like it was added as an afterthought – ‘yeah pretty good sign you got there … wait what about mormons’
I would like to apologize from those of us Christians who chose to not spew hate and stupdity for those who seem to miss some key elements of our faith! I promise, sane, intelligent, logical and unbigoted christians do exsist! And we dislike these crazies as much as you do. They make the rest of us look bad. I’m sorry.
I’M A MORMON…
but are you lewd?
Is that all? You’re not going to win with just that. The contest is how many of the things on the board have you done. I think the front runner has 14.
bitter troll is at a disadvantage for not having female parts
Good point. It’s a bit unfair. But I think Steve pointed out yesterday that probably LIKING lewd and/or rebellious women might count as well. Surely you qualify there??
bitter troll notices he dont have child abusers or wife beaters on that list..clearly he supports the beating of women and children
Well, children yes, how else are they going to learn? But us women? Well, you can’t teach us anything so beating us is really pointless.
Don’t you have 8 boobies? I’m sure that must count towards female parts.
fat guys have boobies too, does that make them womens?
no bitter troll’s bitter weenie makes him male. end of debate
It’s bitter? O.o Wow, I thought all of those were salty.
But you can’t go to another denomination’s hell, surely? Wouldn’t that be against the rules?
I’m sorry. I’m sure I can find a support group for you.
Knowing you need help is the first step.
This is kinda like a “Wasted Youth Fail”. But, seriously, does anyone else notice that he has Buddha with the “F SE RELIGIONS” bit? That’s real brave, kid. Pick on the guys that won’t fight back. Hey, why not put a star and crescent moon on there, if you’re so sure about your cause, and head over to Saudi Arabia with that sign. I would love to see that…
I’d pay to watch that.
Me, too. I’ll pay for his plane ticket.
What’s that, ticket window? No, round-trip won’t be necessary. Can I book an rectangular area in the cargo hold, though? Roughly 7 feet long, 2.5 feet wide, about 2 feet high.
Lol, I’m a Mormon too! And I lie. No one’s perfect though. :l
Kewl, none of the other things apply to me on the board.
most mormons I know are also sports nuts. That’s a double whammy. Luckily only child molesting homosexuals are going to hell, and not the child molesting fundamentalists.
darn those rebellious women to heck!
did anyone else see “sports nuts” on there? i’ve grown up in church and im pretty sure ‘thou shalt not be a sports fan’ is anywhere in the bible… this kid is just bitter that he always gets picked last… lol
Is punching people a sin?
let me check…… Nope
*Punch the protester in the face*
That was so nice of you to check the board first!
::hands Blue2 a cookie::
Would you like a glass of milk?
Just another fool trying to enoble every opinion that bubbles up out of the stagnant ooze of his own ignorance by claiming that it came from God.
Move along, people…Nothing to see here
Only child molesting homosexuals? Guess I’m safe then!
i so wish this kid came to my town.all the sports fans would kick his @$$…and i would have fun watching.
no pot smokers? lol i bet jesus cant even get into heaven then
well im going to hell apperently. imma sports nut money lovin false religion believin mormon. im freakin ew-scrayed man
jesus made and drank very fine wine, which contains abot the same level of alcohal concentration as beer.
jesus drank wine
My favorite things on this sign:
Rebellious Women
Sports Nuts
Theives
Pot Smoking Little Devils
And my #1 favorite…
MORMONS
xD
I’d call this one pure win.
It’s not MORMONS, it’s “AND MORMONS…” The ellipses are important, make it a sort if after thought.
Oh yeah, and Liers. Does that mean that GLaDOS won’t make it to heaven?
I wonder how they feel about non-child molesting homosexuals and heterosexual child molesters…
On the plus side though, he does include racists on his list.
I did however notice that “bigotted opinionated assholes” was somehow omitted…
what about the straight child molesters? They’re ok?
Haha I thought that too
BECAUSE NO ONE BEFORE YOU THOUGHT OF IT WAY TO BE ORIGINAL!
Fukctards.
-sooths charro- calm down love, these fvcktards are not worth your blood pressure..have some LSD
Mmmmmm LSD..
yessss, now lets go back to bitter troll’s underground lair and make sweet sweet bitter sex
I do love sweet sweet bitter sex..
Incidentally, did you know I lost my virginity while on acid?
Does it even count, then?
Well, it is easy to lose things when you’re on acid. I discovered that stuff is weird in my sister’s bathroom while I was on mushrooms.
well you will have to tell bitter troll all about it, in details-nods-
Pffffffffff. Come on bitter troll. With the amount of bramage I have done my dain with drugs and alcohol I think we’re lucky I remember the guy’s name.
It was.. Matt. Pat? Hat. Cat. Bat? Something like that.
it was bitter troll in a clever disguise
*ahem* I believe we were promised some sort of autobiography?
*grumbles* I’m working on it I’m working on it.
well you could always hire palin’s ghost writer, it seems she can kick out a book very fast. of course who knows how accurate she is, so your book could be full of misquotes and mis-rememberances…. and that might be a good thing – protect the innocent and all that
Well, what if I’m misquoted as saying “Corrupting America’s Your For a Better Tomorrow”!?
Oh wait I did say that. A lot actually..
*sigh*
*youth
Clearly that eggnog hit me faster than I thought it would, since I was drunk before I drank it..
words, shmerds, all that matters is that you did corrupt america’s youth for the betterance of their future
Does this mean you’ve misquoted yourself?
No, it just means I had too much eggnog sassmouth.
I feel really bad for that liar, being singled out and made an example to all the other liars who get to go to heaven.
This kid seriuosly needs to get drunk and smoke some pot with a few lewd and rebellious women…..
Eh, everyone else on the planet will go to hell, and he’ll go to heaven, but his life will suck anyway, so it all balances out in the end.
I also heard he doesn’t like religious nut-job cults. I don’t mean to offend religious people but, message to nut-jobs: NOBODY’S GOING TO JUDGE US, HE PROBABLY DOESNT EVEN EXIST, YOUVE BEEN SHOWING THESE SIGNS FOR YEARS, ITS NOT GONNA HAPPEN!
This really made me angry when I saw this. I’m mormon… and I can honestly say that the mormon (or LDS) church is Christian. The definition of a Christian is someone that believes Jesus Christ is our savior. And if being a baby killer includes birth control… well I’m sexually inactive, first of all, but some people take it for health reasons. And really, there’s polygamy in the Bible (Israel, or Jacob, had 4 wives… and King David was given permission to have many wives and concubines).
A 5,000-year-old sheepherding culture is no basis for the laws or mores of our own.
Strange women lying in ponds distributing swords is no basis for a system of government.
But she turned me into a newt!
But I’m serious!
(Help! I’m bein’ repressed!)
No, no, drowning isn’t repressive. Only burning is repressive. (But I agree with you.
)
And strangling is merciful.
–Bring out yer dead!–
I’m not dead yet!
-He’s almost dead.- [sic]
I feel happy! I think I’ll go for a walk!
*chases DU with a club* C’mon, Nao, we can catch ‘er!
I know, I just read it and that was the first thing that I thought of. Bloody peasant.
Every time I read the name of this LOL in the recents, I can’t help but hear it in my head like Brenden Frasier screamed it in “Bedazzled.”
“Co-cah-EEEN-ah! Esta co-cah-EEEN-ah!”
I hope his parents beat him.
Whoa… I’m clean! Wait, crap I’m a Mormon.
Hmm okay, so accordin to the sign child molesting is okay if its not homosexual? Oh and nothin against THREE faced people, I see! He’s just racist against the bi-polar…. or somethin like that… made sense in my head….
YES, AND GOOD FOR YOU FOR NOTICING WHAT NO ONE ELSE DID FOR THIS ENTIRE THREAD!!!!
700+ comments and you’re the winner!! GOOD FUKCING JOB LOSER.
take a deep breathe Charro and have a glass of egg nog, i even slipped an extra jigger of rum in it for you.
you know that all that yelling makes your fingers turn all red and the veins in your hands swell don’t you? just not a good look for a pretty young thing like you, besides the red clashes with your attire
*deep breath*
*chugs eggnog*
I love you bad fairie.
normally i would say something all sentimental about how i love you too, but i don’t want the page to evolve into a mutual admiration society kind of thing ;D
besides somebody might get the wrong idea and inject some inappropriate comments and this is an egg-nog thread that shouldn’t be corrupted
Why is America so incredibly cheesy?
The comments on here are lame.
Especially the lady up top claiming to be a witch and all these OED references. WTF. It’s like Donna Reid, but not as funny.
Your comment certainly is lame, sir. You are correct.
And it probably can’t put its name upside down!
PS Really? Humor advice from someone who watches Donna Reid?
On the bright side, as least it wasn’t Nancy Grace.
Hey, you’re doing well with the links today.
It makes me feel omnipotent.
MY dyslexic brain keeps thinking lynx even though I typed links, so I’ve been imagining you as a lynx trainer…which probably is pretty close to omnipotent.
I had a cat named Lynx once.
so just out of curiosity which witch are you referring to? i believe there are several of us here and we’d like to know which witch gets to curse you with permanent acne and virginity
I believe it has cursed itself with the latter of those. The former will probably fade in time but leave in it’s wake permanent scaring, so I’d say we need do nothing. Though the urge to turn him into a toad for complaining about the OED is strong.
toads are cute and serve a purpose, how does a leech sound? not cute by any twisted imagination, and rarely serve any purpose any more…
I don’t know, leeches drink blood, that sounds rather vampiric. What if teeny-boppers started worshiping him? What about a maggot?
maggots serve a purpose in nature (help to decompose dead animals & maybe plants too) the only thing i can think of that fits the need is a mosquito or a louse, and i’m thinking a louse would be a better choice, as long as it was the only one and on a single rat isolated from all other rats….
Why a rat? I like rats, it would be wrong to torture a rat so. Why don’t we put Again or Guest or even EWAdams into solitary confinement and then put the louse on them? I think that would be fair.
your rats might be cute, but the one that is trying to eat it’s way into my house from underneath sure isn’t cute, especially after eating all the bait in the traps, teasing the dogs where they can’t get to it, and i won’t tell you the disgusting thing it did with the carcass of the rat that did get caught….
however, you do have a point that some of the socks and trolls (not bitter) could be put to better use as a host
My husband’s rat catching trick: TIE raw bacon to the rat trap. It’s worked every time we’ve tried now. (Now we have Brucie, the great rat killer…yay, cats!) Good luck.
PS Whatever you do, don’t use poison. Either it crawls some place hidden and dies, then stinks up your house, or your dogs will find the carcass, then they’ll get sick or even die.
i’ll have to try the bacon. so far it’s cleaned up on rat bait and probably the peanut butter too. i haven’t looked in a couple days.
won’t use poisons any more ever since my brother’s mouse/mice left two tidy piles in his boat house – one was polished grain, the other was the poison coating off the decon, they were a couple feet apart too. but you are right about the dogs gettin sick or worse from the poisoned rats, and two are breeds that started out as vermin chasers…
i’ve thought about borrowing a cat, but there is a heavy plastic vapor barrier on the ground and another vapor barrier on the bottom of the joists – i really don’t want to have to go into spiderhell to mend either one. nor can i afford to pay somebody to do it…. yech on the whole thing.
off to the store on payday for bacon!
Hmm Anyone else notice that they only pointed out Child Molesting Homosexuals so Child Molesters are Safe? Interesting…
Was just about to post that lol. Luckily for him, according to the board, you can’t go to hell for being a pencil necked little pecker head. I’m pretty sure you can for trying to tell everyone what God thinks, though. And for wearing too much hair gel.
why is:
Pot Smokers
Sports Nuts &
People with 2 faces on that list?
Those aren’t sins!
Oh yeah… that makes since…. because anyone who is a sports nut has to be a child molesting homosexual morman outspoken female. I can’t believe i couldn’t remember that. really…. reallly???
am i reading that poster right…does it realy say pencil necked weak kneed men?
Well, im a mormon so i guess ill be seeing everyone in hell too.
My god, this is why I hate church jerks. They’re intolerant of other religions. I CAN BE A PASTAFARIAN IF I WANT!